Tough day...

I hear fireworks going off outside, I hear laughter...and I am in my room, painfully lonely. I had a fun day with my friends, and I thought the night would be okay. But that's not so. I got a chain email from a friend, and I always read it when I am down. I thought I'd share it with you all....


"GOOD HEALTH HANDBOOK--2009"

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. (Prayer sustains me.)
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9.. Sleep for 7 hours.
10.. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.


Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. (I have learned how very true this is, please listen to this.)
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cant control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. (I want a new start, so this is so very important.)
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree..


Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.(This is my BIGGEST goal in my life.)
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business..
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.


Life:

32. Do the right thing!(This speaks for itself, but if you do the right thing your life will be better, more fulfilled.)
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.(Yes...HE does!)
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.(I keep hearing this, so it must be true.)
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.


AND 40. Pass this along to everyone you love. :)

Feels like home :]

I have been babysitting for a friend of mine for the last two days. She and her three children are currently living with her mother. So I have actually been at her mother's house.

Anyways, the house is immaculate. Everything has a proper place, everything is SUPER clean, it seems museum like. I feel like it is very "cold." You know, not homey.

My friend would never have her home like that, but she has no choice right now. It got me to thinking about my home. I thought how nice it would be to have such a beautiful home, I could always have people over! You need to show off a house like that. :)

However, the house is lacking life. Animal life that is. They do have one dog, he is beautiful, very well behaved, blah blah blah. But it isn't enough. I realize that you can't fill your home with pets if you want your house to look like that, so I don't blame them.

But I have come to this conclusion, I will take my messy home filled with pets (12 to be exact) over the glamorous, "keeping up with the Jones'" lifestyle. My house always feel cozy, and there is is always someone around to listen to me talk. And yes, animals are GREAT listeners. :-) And my constant cleaning leaves my home smelling like bleach all the time, but I can live with that.

Both lifestyles have their ups and downs. I just prefer my way. If you knew my puppies, and my kitties, and my piggie, you would understand.

Two Months Today

I knew that today was gonna be a rough day. It has been two months since I came home to a note tacked onto my door saying that he was leaving. A lot has changed in two months. It seems like it has been two years now, the distance between us is unbelievable.

There is a country song, I don't know the name of it, but it has a line that says, "I went from someone you loved to someone you used to know." That is how I feel, like someone he used to know.

I had a fairly busy day planned today, I thought that would be a good idea considering. However, when I was driving through Akron I had to go pass the Rubbermaid plant and memories came flooding back.

As most of you know, Justin used to work for Rubbermaid. We were dog poor back then, living on nothing but love. I never cared that he didn't make a lot of money, I always maintained that you could live on love. And the intimacy that builds when you literally have nothing else is amazing. We shared that CLOSE intimacy right up until he left, which is why I was so very shocked.

After hours upon hours of reliving the last weeks together, I became enlightened about two specific events. Two things that should have opened up my eyes.

Justin was always VERY protective of me. He never wanted me hurt, he didn't want the kids to be rough around me. I mean VERY (!!) protective. But about two days before he left he came home and Michael told him that I had fallen over the gate and hurt myself. Justin chuckled. Looking back, Justin would have NEVER laughed about that...he would have jumped all over anyone for laughing. But I didn't think much of it at the time, but I guess I held on to it in my mind for some reason.

The next thing really should have opened my eyes, but I was blindly in love. We were in the car with the kids have a peer pressure talk. We started talking about what God expects from us, and how doing the right thing isn't always easy. Justin jumped in (and he never joined those conversations with the kids) and said how EXTREMELY hard it is to do the right thing. He went on about Satan messing with your mind and tempting you, blah blah blah. I was just happy that he was taking such an interest in the subject with the boys. I had no idea he was talking about his current situation. I thought he was having flashbacks of being horribly teased as a child and teenager. Since he had lived through all sorts of harassments, I figured he knew better than anyone about peer pressure. Again, I didn't think much of it at the time, but my mind obviously held onto it for a reason.

I am so deeply hurt today. I wish I could stop the pain, the betrayal, the loss. I try to approach everyday as new day with a fresh start. I don't want memories to pull me down. But on the two month anniversary I could not help but sit back and think about our ten years together.