I was asked to be the speaker for the Luminaria Ceremony...I was nervous and excited all at one. I know we ended up having more that 250 people there, and when I heard the number my nerves really got to me. Patty and Mike sat beside me as I spoke and they really helped me to stay strong. I think I only cracked once...when I started talking about my guys. When I walked down to meet them, they were both crying hysterically. The Luminaria Ceremony brings out a lot of emotions anyway, but it is probably worse when it is your mother talking.
Here is a copy of the speech...
The first time I ever heard the word cancer was just a few short days before my grandpa succumbed to it. I was only 11 years old and had no idea that just 4 years later, at the age of 15, I would be battling this horrific disease myself.
Just one week before I turned 15, I went to put on the same clown costume I had been wearing each night for a children’s church function when a sharp pain shot through my neck. Figuring there might be a pin sticking me or something, I looked in the mirror to see what the problem was and realized that my neck had doubled in size almost overnight. After church, I showed it to my mother who had already been worried because she felt something was terribly wrong with me anyway. She had been concerned with my headaches, failing grades and extreme forgetfulness for some time…so when she saw my neck she called the next morning to get me in to see the doctor.
After a short examination, the doctor said I appeared to be in good health, but was puzzled about the swelling in my neck He told me that even though he didn’t think it was my thyroid, he would run some lab tests and order an ultrasound “just in case.” On the ultrasound table it became pretty clear that something was terribly wrong, with five or six doctors coming in and out and everyone having to measure and look at it and whisper about it.
Well, the next few days were a blur. I underwent multiple tests, had a major surgery, and celebrated my 15th birthday in the hospital. I was fighting depression because I had not only found out that I had thyroid cancer, but that it had already spread to my lymph nodes and muscle, and I was now facing a four day hospitalization for radiation therapy. Nevertheless, throughout this whole ordeal I was told by my surgeon that thyroid cancer is the best type of cancer to have, and I should be thankful. He said it almost never returns, so it was likely that this would never be a problem for me again. Now, 15 years later, I’ve learned that not only is there no such thing as a “good cancer,” but you can never make assumptions about it. My cancer recurred 2 years later when I was 17 years old…6 years after that when I was 23 years old, and again in 2008….and it is active today.
I am a single mother, raising two sons, and some days I am so sick I cannot get out of bed. This disease has ravaged my body over the years with all the surgeries, changes in medication and radiation therapies I undergone. Many times I am fighting the depression that comes with being unable to keep up with my boys and I feel that it is robbing them of the mother they should have. And sadly…this is what the doctors have deemed the “good cancer.”
For now, doctors have done all they know to do to fight the type of cancer I have. Right now, it is being suppressed, but should it ever begin to spread there is little they can do. They have used up all of their silver bullets and now I am left with Clinical Trials. Recurrent thyroid cancer, like so many others, is not well understood and research is desperately needed. This is what makes the fight against cancer so important. This is why I Relay. This is why my sons Relay. This is why my friends and my team Relay. And this is why we will continue to Relay. Cancer affects just about every person in the world… either directly like me or indirectly…and we must keep working …we must keep fighting…until they find the cure.
My friend Amy recorded it, when she gets the video up I will post it on here. :)
Relay was not all sad, we had a lot of fun. The kids got painted a gazillion times, they played "circus" games, they won tons of prizes, they spent time with friends, and Michael even won the frozen T-Shirt contest. It was such a fun day.
My boys do such a great job with volunteering their time for charity. I cannot even begin to tell you how many miles they walked over the last 4 months trying to raise money. They walked in 55 degree rainy weather, and in 90 degree heat! They had doors slammed in their face, they were ignored, and yet, they pressed forward. :) I am so proud of their commitment. Sadly, this is the last year that the CONKLE CARAVAN will be a team. :( We have thought about having our own team, but we may choose a different charity to work for next year. They boys are thinking about the ASPCA, the local APL, of volunteering at the soup kitchen. Only time will tell, but I know they will be doing something for charity, in one way or another. :)
Okay, here are a few pictures of our amazing day...
Me and my guys right after the SURVIVOR LAP! :)
Samuel and his face paint, I thought this was very appropriate!
This is my granddaddy's HONOR luminaria! He is currently fighting Melanoma :(
My boys had been crying from my speech, this was taken during the silent lap after the luminaria ceremony...
No comments:
Post a Comment