This was the pic that I really wanted....me and Wendy with the two reasons we were at Relay. Thanks to the Conkle family for taking it!! :-)
I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell everyone my cancer story. I had several people ask me at Relay, so I decided to blog it! :-)
In 1995 I was 14 years old and a clown for Children's Church every Sunday....
I wore that same neck ruffle every single Sunday. However, on one Sunday is September, the neck ruffle was too small. We didn't really think much of it, my mom did make me a doctor's appointment. We joked during Sunday School about how swollen my neck was. My brother even put a balloon up to his neck and was teasing me. None of us thought it was anything serious at all.
Leading up to this mysterious bump I had many doctor's appointments for MANY different symptoms. I had gone from an A honor student, to a student who could not pass ANY exams. I had become extremely forgetful. I had mini hallucinations, as in, I thought something happened, but it didn't. I started getting this "head popping" sensation. All this craziness was overlooked or excused for years. After all, I was a teenager...so the grades could be due to behavior problems, the forgetfulness could simply be "not caring," and the hallucinations could be lack of sleep. The only thing that could not be explained away was the "head popping." And I couldn't get anyone to believe that...other than my mom.
I had no idea that the lump in my neck would be to blame for all of this.
I went into the doctor's office that week. The doc could not figure out what was up, but he decided to rule out the thyroid with an ultrasound. I went straight down to the ultrasound room from his office...that was when I started to think this was serious.
During the ultrasound I had MANY doctor's and nurses come in to observe the images. I was a week away from turning 15, laying there looking at the shocked faces of a room full of doctors. It is a surreal feeling. Less than a week later I was have surgery.
When the surgeon got in there he discovered thyroid cancer that had already spread to the lymph nodes, parathyroid, and muscle. But no need to worry he said, thyroid cancer is THE BEST kind of cancer to have!!! (As if ANY cancer is good.) He said they would treat me with radiation and I would probably never have another problem.
I went in for radiation about a month after the surgery. I had to be on the floor with all of the dying patients, because of the risks I could cause to healthy individuals. I swallowed these ginormous pills and went into the room that was covered in plastic. I could not have anyone in the room with me, NO ONE. I could talk to my mom through a window. Everything was covered in sticky, loud, gross plastic. I had to bathe four times per day and flush the toilet three times after each use. My door was covered in CAUTION: RADIOACTIVE signs. :-) It amused me. The nurses and doctors only came in to throw me my food, that I could not even eat because of nausea. The doctors were covered in led vests and pressing the button on the Geiger counter to see what my radiation levels were. That is a lot for a teenager to take in.
After all of the surgery and all of the radiation, I was free. I tried to live a normal life, even going back to high school for a while. Kids would pull my hair and ask me if I was dying, I could not handle that. But I answered all questions with a smile. I didn't stay for long. My energy seemed to slowly be deteriorating over time, I just thought my thyroid medications were not dosed properly.
In October of 1997 I got married. In January of 1998 I got pregnant. I found out I was pregnant just a few days after I found out my thyroid cancer had come back. I was scheduled to have radiation, but obviously that was out. I adamantly opposed abortion, even though my doctors highly recommended it. I was 17 and fighting cancer for a second time...they didn't think that I could safely have a baby. But I refused, and ultimately opted for surgery to remove the cancer during the second trimester.
At the end of March 1998 I had a four hour surgery to remove the cancer from my right shoulder. I made it safely through the surgery, and so did my baby. I remember saying to the anesthesiologist on my way into the operating room, "Please don't let my baby die." I never will forget the look on his face, I knew that he didn't think we would both come out okay. That whole pregnancy was very hard for me, a very depressing time in my life.
The surgery was a success. I was once again CANCER FREE. :-)
In 2002 I was 22 years old and I had two sons, ages 2 and 3. I was going in for yearly check-ups when my tumor markers went up again. By now, I expected nothing less. Cancer has become who I am.
This time I had radiation to treat it instead of surgery. We could not locate the cancer on the scans, so radiation was my only real option. The process for radiation therapy had DRASTICALLY changed in the 7 years it had been since I last had it. No longer did they isolate patients, but I was allowed to go home. I could not be around my children, so we decided that it was best to stay in a hotel. Justin stayed with me, seeing as how I needed a caretaker during that time. My mom and Steve had the boys.
After the radiation I had more scans...the cancer then started to show it's ugly face. It was in my chest, on the right side. Since the radiation did not kill it, I had to do surgery. This was also hard to accept because I knew that body no longer responded to radiation. On my anniversary in 2003, I was wheeled into the O.R. for the 3rd time to try and fight this cancer. These are the photos from that surgery. The first one is right after they took me to ICU, before I woke up. The second one is a few days later after the swelling had gone done. Yes, I know what my hair looks like, no I don't care! ;-) And yes, I know how fat my face it, but come one, they practically cut off my head and put it back on, it was gonna be swollen!!! :o)~
After all of that surgery and radiation....I once again cancer free. However, this time they didn't call it remission....I think they are scared to now. Anyway, I felt better about it all.
Life was moving along at a nice pace. My boys were growing up, I had a happy life.
In June of 2008 I got a call on my cell phone while I was at Field Day for Samuel and Michael. My doctor told me that the tumor markers were up again. I about fainted. I lost it crying, couldn't deal with it. Justin was sitting next to me, and he helped to calm me down.
I had a million scans, but once again, it is so small that we can't locate it on a scan. Since radiation does not work, that is not a realistic option. Now we just try to keep the cancer suppressed with medication, and wait for it to show up on a scan. Next time I can have surgery they will need to break the breastbone, and I am in NO hurry for that.
Now I deal with everything on an hour by hour basis. Sometimes day to day is too hard, you have to simply live for the next hour.
God has brought me through so much. Without my faith and salvation, I would be lost. During my darkest hours I always knew that God would listen and give me peace. When you have lived a life like mine, you need peace more than anything. God has also blessed me a support team that many people wish they had. I am so thankful for them everyday. God has given me mentors, people who have been exactly where I am, so they understand. I'd be lost without my mentors.
It is easy to look at everything that has gone wrong in your life...and easy to get depressed. But I am someone who wants to be happy. I want to shine God's light in this world, and if I am not truly content with my life, I can't do that.
