I'm just sitting in bed, chillaxin with my kitty, Angel, watching WHY DID I GET MARRIED? on TBS. :) I have decided to do a "favorite things" blog, why not, right?! ;)
So here goes, a few of Hollie's favorite things...
♥ Snowflakes coming through the window while I take a warm shower.
♥ Glitter.
♥ Sponge triangles to apply make-up.
♥ Scrapbooks and memory boxes.
♥ Hearing a child pray.
♥ Naps.
♥ Journaling, blogging, and writing in general.
♥ Baby clothes.
♥ Sweet tea, beans & cornbread, red beans & rice.
♥ Boomin' music is my car.
♥ Facial masks.
♥ Watching giraffes eat.
♥ Bags, not purses, bags!
♥ Church and Sunday School.
♥ Music in all forms, except screamo.
♥ The smell of coffee shops.
♥ Writing cards to people.
♥ White Christmas lights, all year. :)
♥ Swimming in lakes, feeling fishies bite my feet.
♥ Clean floors.
♥ Fresh bedding.
♥ 80's memorabilia, especially Popples.
♥ Spending time in Amish Country.
♥ Getting as many needs met as we can at Goodwill.
♥ Being surrounded by pets all the time.
♥ Headbands.
♥ Teddy Grahams with moo juice.
♥ Men who are honorable.
♥ Candles. I love sitting in my candle lit room.
♥ Christopher Walkin.
♥ Dancing and singing, loudly!
♥ Antiques.
♥ The smell of fresh laundry.
♥ Oceans that are so emerald you can see the bottom.
♥ Crisp, white socks, panties, and bras.
♥ Canada.
♥ A good ink pen.
♥ Getting rained on.
♥ New Bibles with thin, crispy paper...and a shiny border.
♥ Laminating machines.
♥ Watching old home movies.
♥ Fountain drinks.
♥ Having dozens of nail polish bottles to choose from.
♥ Beehives.
♥ Homemade gifts, giving and receiving.
♥ Women who respect the "woman code."
♥ Planning parties.
♥ Watching leaves fall, them crunching them under my feet.
♥ Belly laughter.
♥ Maps and globes.
♥ Jammin out at concerts.
♥ People who are NOT superficial, and can see into your soul.
♥ The feeling you get the first time you hold "his" hand. ;)
♥ Spelling colour with a U.
♥ Lanyards.
♥ Cheesy tourist shops.
♥ The bestest Canon Camera ever, this one! I want it soo bad!!!
♥ Animals tilting their head out of curiosity.
♥ Homemade quilts.
♥ Double rainbows.
♥ The atmosphere of a campus in the fall.
♥ Dandelions and wildflowers.
♥ Being moved by song lyrics.
Okay, I will shut up now, I am tired of writing. :) So, I have a question for you...
WHAT ARE YOU FAVORITE THINGS?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Bad dreams, Bad appointments, Bad behavior
This blog is gonna be quite a roller coaster of emotion for you all! It is just raw emotion from me, I can't give anything more than that right now...
First I want to tell you all about this bad dream I had, almost like a nightmare. It was about Nathan, the little boy that we were just days away from adopting when my world was turned upside down. I still miss him, my heartaches as if I had lost a child of my own. He called me mom, he saw Samuel and Michael as brothers, he was MY FAMILY.
About the dream...
I was dreaming that we got a call saying that his parents had died. The case worker wanted me to come see him, since he kept talking about us. (Mind you, this was when all of the boys were in their late teens.) I went to see him and it was like nothing ever changed, he fell right back into his place in my family. He begged me to take him in so foster care would not take him. I told him I could not since I was a single parent now, the state would not let me. He cried and pleaded, my boys cried and pleaded. In the dream we spent as much time with him as we could, nearly every waking minute. Then it came time for us to say goodbye, the state still would not allow him to live with us, so we all cried. I was beyond hysterical, crying like I had never cried. Then BOOM, I woke us, face was wet with tears- and I was breathing heavy. Talk about an emotional dream.
I woke up and could not get it out of my head, still can't. I find myself staring at pictures of all 3 of "my" boys. :'( I feel like I should be past all of this, but then along comes these crazy dreams, and all of my emotions surface again.
And there any pills you can take to stop dreaming? lol ;)
Moving on...
Yesterday was the kiddos back-to-school well checks, followed by dental appointments. Let me just say, IT SUCKED! The entire day sucked, and when I got home I was so mentally drained that I sat in bed and cried myself to sleep. I do not like to be bombarded with a bunch of news all at once.
Here is how it went down (all things the doc said)...
- Your kids are fat so we need to run lipid panels on them, this is common for children now-a-days.
- Samuel is due for a tetnus booster, we will do that today.
- Both kids failed our eye exams, more than once, they need to go see an eye doctor.
- We will do Michael's thyroid bloodwork, it is probably why he is having such severe hot flases. Luckily you are seeing his endocrinologist next week.
- Samuel needs to have his spine looked at by an ortho doc, since he has had abnormal xrays, and is still having quite a bit of pain there.
- Michael needs to see a developmental doc to get a diagnosis for Aspergers. This was he can be on an IEP when he needs it.
- Let me get you some information on a health clinic for kids, so they can lose weight. (Said the 5' 8" 90 pound doctor)
Dentist notes-
- Michael needs braces now, his teeth are getting worse everyday. He cannot even reach all of the sides of his teeth to brush proerly.
- Samuel can have the 2nd set of braces put on, but we have to pull 4 teeth since they are baby teeth and completely impacted. THey won't come out if we don't pull them.
- Both kids need sealants put on.
Yes, that was a lot of information to digest for one day. Too much for me, I just could not take it. Maybe it is just a hornomal time for me, who knows!
Today I woke up with a much better attitude. I decided that I would finish all of the calls I had to make for the boys' school stuff. THEN I would make all of these appointments.
Well, I called LCCS first, and that went SO BAD that I didn't make another call for the rest of the day.
I singed a contract with LCCS (as all parents so) that says we will not talk bad about or gossip about the school. This is not gossip since it is about me, it is just facts. And it is not bad-mouthing, I am just gonna give everyone the facts...
Samuel and Michael went to that school for a year and a half. I adored it. I would do these long, wonderful blogs about what a great place it was. I had a handful of parents warning me, saying it was not all I thought it was. I thought that I was just dealing with picky moms, or naysayers. Looking back, I wish I had taken their advice. :-/
I LIVED at that school, I volunteered for everything they had. Even doing grunt work, like serving and cleaning at the Pony Express 2 years in a row. I worked everyday at the Christmas Shoope. I sat and made copies for HOURS....seriously...HOURS every week. I would have done anything, I loved that school.
THen when Justin left our family, we were a mess. The school helped us emotionally, giving the blys slack on their work, and placing them in free therapy. Michael even went to a divorce support group during school hours. I thought I had finally made some true friends! Again, parents are still warning me. And at this point, I made some strong relationships with a few teachers, and even they warned me that it was not all it was cracked up to be.
However, I am someone who has to find out for myself, I have to see it to believe it. I had NEVER been hurt by the school, so why worry, it was good to us.
Today that changed.
Remember, just the facts.
I called to get a copy of Samuel's last report card, since the new school needs it. They told me that since I had a balance, they could not release the report card to me. I said, "I have only child support as an income, I am raising a family of three, I have cancer that requires MANY doctor's appointments, my boys need numerous upcoming appointments. AND...you guys KNOW what happened with my family, and how we were dropped on our butts. I cannt pay ANYTHING right now, but I will try when I get more of an income." She said, I know Hollie, I am so sorry, but I cannot release anything. Please keep us updated on how things go. (HA!!!!!!!) I was hysterically crying at this point, so I just said okay and hung up.
Once I gathered myself, a good hour later, I wish I had brough up the fact that I have paid them almost $10,000, and I only owe one month of tuition. It is insane that they will not release MY CHILD'S report card because of that. I guess I didn't really make friends, I made "people who like to take my money and pretend to be concerned aquaintances."
Okay, just typing this blog out is exhausting me, I am going to bed.
First I want to tell you all about this bad dream I had, almost like a nightmare. It was about Nathan, the little boy that we were just days away from adopting when my world was turned upside down. I still miss him, my heartaches as if I had lost a child of my own. He called me mom, he saw Samuel and Michael as brothers, he was MY FAMILY.
About the dream...
I was dreaming that we got a call saying that his parents had died. The case worker wanted me to come see him, since he kept talking about us. (Mind you, this was when all of the boys were in their late teens.) I went to see him and it was like nothing ever changed, he fell right back into his place in my family. He begged me to take him in so foster care would not take him. I told him I could not since I was a single parent now, the state would not let me. He cried and pleaded, my boys cried and pleaded. In the dream we spent as much time with him as we could, nearly every waking minute. Then it came time for us to say goodbye, the state still would not allow him to live with us, so we all cried. I was beyond hysterical, crying like I had never cried. Then BOOM, I woke us, face was wet with tears- and I was breathing heavy. Talk about an emotional dream.
I woke up and could not get it out of my head, still can't. I find myself staring at pictures of all 3 of "my" boys. :'( I feel like I should be past all of this, but then along comes these crazy dreams, and all of my emotions surface again.
And there any pills you can take to stop dreaming? lol ;)
Moving on...
Yesterday was the kiddos back-to-school well checks, followed by dental appointments. Let me just say, IT SUCKED! The entire day sucked, and when I got home I was so mentally drained that I sat in bed and cried myself to sleep. I do not like to be bombarded with a bunch of news all at once.
Here is how it went down (all things the doc said)...
- Your kids are fat so we need to run lipid panels on them, this is common for children now-a-days.
- Samuel is due for a tetnus booster, we will do that today.
- Both kids failed our eye exams, more than once, they need to go see an eye doctor.
- We will do Michael's thyroid bloodwork, it is probably why he is having such severe hot flases. Luckily you are seeing his endocrinologist next week.
- Samuel needs to have his spine looked at by an ortho doc, since he has had abnormal xrays, and is still having quite a bit of pain there.
- Michael needs to see a developmental doc to get a diagnosis for Aspergers. This was he can be on an IEP when he needs it.
- Let me get you some information on a health clinic for kids, so they can lose weight. (Said the 5' 8" 90 pound doctor)
Dentist notes-
- Michael needs braces now, his teeth are getting worse everyday. He cannot even reach all of the sides of his teeth to brush proerly.
- Samuel can have the 2nd set of braces put on, but we have to pull 4 teeth since they are baby teeth and completely impacted. THey won't come out if we don't pull them.
- Both kids need sealants put on.
Yes, that was a lot of information to digest for one day. Too much for me, I just could not take it. Maybe it is just a hornomal time for me, who knows!
Today I woke up with a much better attitude. I decided that I would finish all of the calls I had to make for the boys' school stuff. THEN I would make all of these appointments.
Well, I called LCCS first, and that went SO BAD that I didn't make another call for the rest of the day.
I singed a contract with LCCS (as all parents so) that says we will not talk bad about or gossip about the school. This is not gossip since it is about me, it is just facts. And it is not bad-mouthing, I am just gonna give everyone the facts...
Samuel and Michael went to that school for a year and a half. I adored it. I would do these long, wonderful blogs about what a great place it was. I had a handful of parents warning me, saying it was not all I thought it was. I thought that I was just dealing with picky moms, or naysayers. Looking back, I wish I had taken their advice. :-/
I LIVED at that school, I volunteered for everything they had. Even doing grunt work, like serving and cleaning at the Pony Express 2 years in a row. I worked everyday at the Christmas Shoope. I sat and made copies for HOURS....seriously...HOURS every week. I would have done anything, I loved that school.
THen when Justin left our family, we were a mess. The school helped us emotionally, giving the blys slack on their work, and placing them in free therapy. Michael even went to a divorce support group during school hours. I thought I had finally made some true friends! Again, parents are still warning me. And at this point, I made some strong relationships with a few teachers, and even they warned me that it was not all it was cracked up to be.
However, I am someone who has to find out for myself, I have to see it to believe it. I had NEVER been hurt by the school, so why worry, it was good to us.
Today that changed.
Remember, just the facts.
I called to get a copy of Samuel's last report card, since the new school needs it. They told me that since I had a balance, they could not release the report card to me. I said, "I have only child support as an income, I am raising a family of three, I have cancer that requires MANY doctor's appointments, my boys need numerous upcoming appointments. AND...you guys KNOW what happened with my family, and how we were dropped on our butts. I cannt pay ANYTHING right now, but I will try when I get more of an income." She said, I know Hollie, I am so sorry, but I cannot release anything. Please keep us updated on how things go. (HA!!!!!!!) I was hysterically crying at this point, so I just said okay and hung up.
Once I gathered myself, a good hour later, I wish I had brough up the fact that I have paid them almost $10,000, and I only owe one month of tuition. It is insane that they will not release MY CHILD'S report card because of that. I guess I didn't really make friends, I made "people who like to take my money and pretend to be concerned aquaintances."
Okay, just typing this blog out is exhausting me, I am going to bed.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Picture Your Life
Friends~Family~Fellow Bloggers~
My mother and I have decided to "try" and start a small business on Etsy.com. :-) We are basically offering our artistic creations. (Picture Your Life- Link)
My mom is offering caricatures and ink pen portraits...her work is so beautiful. The pictures below are just examples. The caricature is a recent one that she did for me, and the ink pen portrait is one of her great dane, Bob, that she lost the day before.
I will be offering photo DVD's, and photo editing. Basically I will offer to do the editing like I did in the photos below, and the DVD's will be for those who would like their photos set to music. Stuff the I love to do!
My mom and I will both offer rice jewelry. We can write names, birth-dates, etc... on a grain of rice and make it into a necklace, key-chain, etc... We are both new to this, but I think we finally have it down. Technical pens are my new best friend.
Many of you know that I am fighting cancer...and I have extremely poor health. Working a job is not realistic for me, since I basically live at the doctor's office and I have limited mobility. This is a dream of mine, to have a business that I can do everything from home, and in my own time, and not undertaking any tasks that I cannot handle. My mother's health is also declining, and working is not a real option for her either. So we sat and discussed and we decided that we will never know if we could have made it unless we just jump in with both feet!
Here is our site, please check it out, but more importantly- SPREAD the word :-)
PICTURE YOUR LIFE- LINK
Here are some photos from the site of the stuff we are offering...
My mom's caricatures and ink portrait examples-
Photo editing, just like these two pics-
Monday, August 2, 2010
Goodbye Big Silly Man
Bob, our majestic, regal, loving, Great Dane, has crossed over the rainbow bridge.
Everyone who met Bob loved him instantly. He was 150 pounds of lap dog! He stood 7 feet tall when standing on his hind legs, and always watched our neighbors over the privacy fence. He had the most beautiful brindle markings, and big brown eyes.
Bob was the alpha dog in our house, he led with an iron fist. He was first to do everything, and he made all the other dogs wait for him to finish. He would lay on the end of the couch, pretending to be asleep, and if ANY dog tried to pass him he would make a very soft growling noise. My mom said he was playing "Billy Goats Gruff," and all the dogs had to pay a toll to pass. :-) This was his most favorite game in the house.
Bob's simple thinking and clumsy mannerisms made him even more lovable. He could not figure something out to save his life. He was very large, so if he got stuck in the bathroom or hallway it would take him a good 10 minutes to figure out how to get out of the predicament he was in. He would trap you in a room and force you to love him, pressing all 150 pounds against you. And when you have that much "Bob" forcing you to love him, there is no saying no! :-) One of the funniest things Bob ever did was inside of PetSmart- he got it in his mind that the GIANT hanging animals were real. Hehe. On one visit there, he barked and barked at the giant cat hanging over the feline section...he didn't even notice the people around him, he just knew he had to keep that darn cat away from us! I really loved him.
Bob lived and breathed to protect my mom. On more than one occasion he would jump to her defense if he thought she was hurt in any way. His love for her was the very definition of unconditional. Bob also loved his daddy, often sitting with him at night while they watched movies. Samuel and Michael were also special to Bob, he loved it when they would lay next to him and kiss him. And I feel so honored because, Bob never licked anyone, it was never his thing...but when I moved in, he would lick my face just a very little bit, to say "I love you." I will never forget those moments!
In the last weeks of his life, Bob took a drastic turn with his health. We noticed he wasn't eating, he never got up to play, he never wanted to be loved, his muscles were twitching, and he could not hold himself up anymore. It all happened so fast, we were not ready to say goodbye to Big Bob. I am having a hard time writing this, because every time I think about him, I want to go out into the living room and see him- but he is not there. :'( I can't stand it. There is an emptiness that cannot be filled.
We have lost so much in a years time, we suffered so much heartache. I try to keep my head up, because I know things could always get worse. I thank God for my strong faith, because I could have never made it through everything I have made it through without a GREAT GOD. I am also thankful for the unwavering faith that my family has, I know that we can always lean on each other through these times. God has never let us down, and He never will. We asked for an answer on what to do with Bob, and my mom knew immediately that it was time to say goodbye. God is never early- He is never late- He is always RIGHT ON TIME.
Here are some pictures of our handsome man, please take a minute to read the captions and look at the pictures. Bob is now running free with all the other danes we have lost along the way- Frank, Lars, Lisa, Tinka, Raina, Connie, Hunter, Frankie and his best friend, his sister, Hannah Banana. :'( Run free big silly man, and make sure that everyone knows who the boss is!! I love you forever.
This pic was taken in February, and I am sure it is what Bob looks like now, running and playing, with no pain....
This was Bob letting Lisa know who was going in first!!! I hope they are playing together tonight...
This is the last picture of Bob, it was taken on Friday with my cell phone. He was really sick and that point, but he loved my mom, and she loved him, all the way until the end. I will cherish this picture...
Everyone who met Bob loved him instantly. He was 150 pounds of lap dog! He stood 7 feet tall when standing on his hind legs, and always watched our neighbors over the privacy fence. He had the most beautiful brindle markings, and big brown eyes.
Bob was the alpha dog in our house, he led with an iron fist. He was first to do everything, and he made all the other dogs wait for him to finish. He would lay on the end of the couch, pretending to be asleep, and if ANY dog tried to pass him he would make a very soft growling noise. My mom said he was playing "Billy Goats Gruff," and all the dogs had to pay a toll to pass. :-) This was his most favorite game in the house.
Bob's simple thinking and clumsy mannerisms made him even more lovable. He could not figure something out to save his life. He was very large, so if he got stuck in the bathroom or hallway it would take him a good 10 minutes to figure out how to get out of the predicament he was in. He would trap you in a room and force you to love him, pressing all 150 pounds against you. And when you have that much "Bob" forcing you to love him, there is no saying no! :-) One of the funniest things Bob ever did was inside of PetSmart- he got it in his mind that the GIANT hanging animals were real. Hehe. On one visit there, he barked and barked at the giant cat hanging over the feline section...he didn't even notice the people around him, he just knew he had to keep that darn cat away from us! I really loved him.
Bob lived and breathed to protect my mom. On more than one occasion he would jump to her defense if he thought she was hurt in any way. His love for her was the very definition of unconditional. Bob also loved his daddy, often sitting with him at night while they watched movies. Samuel and Michael were also special to Bob, he loved it when they would lay next to him and kiss him. And I feel so honored because, Bob never licked anyone, it was never his thing...but when I moved in, he would lick my face just a very little bit, to say "I love you." I will never forget those moments!
In the last weeks of his life, Bob took a drastic turn with his health. We noticed he wasn't eating, he never got up to play, he never wanted to be loved, his muscles were twitching, and he could not hold himself up anymore. It all happened so fast, we were not ready to say goodbye to Big Bob. I am having a hard time writing this, because every time I think about him, I want to go out into the living room and see him- but he is not there. :'( I can't stand it. There is an emptiness that cannot be filled.
We have lost so much in a years time, we suffered so much heartache. I try to keep my head up, because I know things could always get worse. I thank God for my strong faith, because I could have never made it through everything I have made it through without a GREAT GOD. I am also thankful for the unwavering faith that my family has, I know that we can always lean on each other through these times. God has never let us down, and He never will. We asked for an answer on what to do with Bob, and my mom knew immediately that it was time to say goodbye. God is never early- He is never late- He is always RIGHT ON TIME.
Here are some pictures of our handsome man, please take a minute to read the captions and look at the pictures. Bob is now running free with all the other danes we have lost along the way- Frank, Lars, Lisa, Tinka, Raina, Connie, Hunter, Frankie and his best friend, his sister, Hannah Banana. :'( Run free big silly man, and make sure that everyone knows who the boss is!! I love you forever.
This pic was taken in February, and I am sure it is what Bob looks like now, running and playing, with no pain....
This was Bob letting Lisa know who was going in first!!! I hope they are playing together tonight...
This is the last picture of Bob, it was taken on Friday with my cell phone. He was really sick and that point, but he loved my mom, and she loved him, all the way until the end. I will cherish this picture...
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