It must be the holidays.

Holiday stress has arrived. However, I am determined to NOT let it get me down. I am having money troubles, just like every other Tom, Dick, and Harry in the world. I am now officially 2 months behind on the kids' school payments, haven't paid for Samuel's orchestra, Michael needs his TRIBE money by January 15th, and of course, this year (first time ever) the school cannot afford to pay for the 6th grade week long field trip at Beulah Beach, luckily, that is only 100 more dollars. I don't know what I am going to do. I have to go and humiliate myself and beg for mercy, and more time to pay...before they kick my kids out. And the financial person goes to my church to boot, so how embarrassing is that? But like I said, everyone is financially struggling, I am just one of the thousands- er, millions.

On a less depressing note, I am finally starting to feel better. Yay! :-) My Synthroid is finally starting to kick in, and hopefully suppressing the cancer until I can get to the big wigs to come up with a game plan. Once my divorce from Justin is final, I will be without insurance, I am out of options. Believe me, I have applied everywhere, and I have had no luck. So please, prayer warriors, pray for a door to open so I can have health insurance. It is not just a simple luxury for me, or even a back-up in case something happens...it is a life line for me. Once I go without insurance my cancer will be considered a preexisting condition, and we all know that is not good. It won't just be my cancer either, it will also be my back problems and kidney problems. Like I said, prayer warriors please add this to your list.

But I am blessed because Michael will continue to have insurance through Justin, and both kids will have Buckeye (state insurance). That is a huge blessing, since they both have to be seen for ongoing medical conditions. :-) See, it isn't always bad news.

Okay, like a said a while ago, I have changed our view of Christmas, let me explain. When I began going through this divorce, God starting convicting my heart on a lot of issues. This has been one bumpy road, but I believe the outcome is His perfect will. It is not going to be easy, but here goes...

I heard someone say, "Jesus only got three gifts, why should I get more?" Wow, powerful words. A better question would be, why should you get gifts on Jesus' birthday at all? We have never done Santa, so my kids always knew the gifts were from us. Also, we made it clear every year that the kids UNDERSTOOD what the true meaning of Christmas was. So I feel like they are pretty grounded, but they were not prepared for my new plans.

Christmas with me will now be ONE new gift. Trust me, my kids are spoiled, one is more than they need. And there are kids everywhere that get nothing. We will also be making gifts for one another, we have already started. My mom and Steve are teaming up, Michael and I are teaming up, and Samuel wanted to do his by himself. So that now makes their gift total THREE. But they get a fourth gift, and I believe it is the most important, they get to but a gift and donate it to a charity of their choice. Be it a robe and slippers for someone in a nursing home, or a toy for a child who has nothing, or clothes for the dear people living at the Haven of Rest. I know in my heart that this will be so beneficial to them one day.

Volunteering is something we will begin doing on Christmas (or Thanksgiving on the years that they aren't with me for Christmas). I am hoping to find somewhere for us to serve food, or stuff boxes, or simply entertain lonely people in nursing homes. I have put out some calls, hopefully I hear back soon. If you know of anywhere that needs Christmas Day volunteers, please let us know. It's time to pay it forward. God has blessed us tremendously, we have a home and food, and each other, and even a Bible to read (many people don't have that luxury), so we just want to shine His light in this world.

I know that what I am doing is EXACTLY what God wants for Samuel and Michael- and even my parents and I. We live in a world that is I WANT I WANT I WANT, that mentality stops in our home now. We WANT to give, we WANT to love, we WANT people to come to know Jesus....we WANT to lay up our treasures in heaven, not on this earth.

I am not sure how much more blogging I will be doing before Christmas, but I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas, filled with the joy of Jesus' birth. I would also like to invite you all to the Christmas play at our church, I have heard great things about it. It is on December 20th, at 10:30am, and I will be there, with ears ready to listen to what the spirit has to say to me. Check out the church website at abt316.com and you should be able to see a preview of it.

Goodnight dear friends. Remember, when God closes a door, He opens a window. Never forget that.

(By the way, a week after we lost Dwight, our guinea pig died, of old age...I believe. He was about 10 years old, and couldn't really get around too well anymore. He died peacefully in a warm room, being watched over by mom and I all day. I know he felt loved when he went, and I know his old body doesn't hurt him anymore. We rescued him several years ago from an abusive owner, I am thankful for the MANY happy years we were able to give him. Losing animals is so hard, especially when you are a freak about them like I am, but human life is so much more important, and while I cry for a time over my pets, I am thankful to have my healthy family.)