First I want to tell you all about this bad dream I had, almost like a nightmare. It was about Nathan, the little boy that we were just days away from adopting when my world was turned upside down. I still miss him, my heartaches as if I had lost a child of my own. He called me mom, he saw Samuel and Michael as brothers, he was MY FAMILY.
About the dream...
I was dreaming that we got a call saying that his parents had died. The case worker wanted me to come see him, since he kept talking about us. (Mind you, this was when all of the boys were in their late teens.) I went to see him and it was like nothing ever changed, he fell right back into his place in my family. He begged me to take him in so foster care would not take him. I told him I could not since I was a single parent now, the state would not let me. He cried and pleaded, my boys cried and pleaded. In the dream we spent as much time with him as we could, nearly every waking minute. Then it came time for us to say goodbye, the state still would not allow him to live with us, so we all cried. I was beyond hysterical, crying like I had never cried. Then BOOM, I woke us, face was wet with tears- and I was breathing heavy. Talk about an emotional dream.
I woke up and could not get it out of my head, still can't. I find myself staring at pictures of all 3 of "my" boys. :'( I feel like I should be past all of this, but then along comes these crazy dreams, and all of my emotions surface again.
And there any pills you can take to stop dreaming? lol ;)
Moving on...
Yesterday was the kiddos back-to-school well checks, followed by dental appointments. Let me just say, IT SUCKED! The entire day sucked, and when I got home I was so mentally drained that I sat in bed and cried myself to sleep. I do not like to be bombarded with a bunch of news all at once.
Here is how it went down (all things the doc said)...
- Your kids are fat so we need to run lipid panels on them, this is common for children now-a-days.
- Samuel is due for a tetnus booster, we will do that today.
- Both kids failed our eye exams, more than once, they need to go see an eye doctor.
- We will do Michael's thyroid bloodwork, it is probably why he is having such severe hot flases. Luckily you are seeing his endocrinologist next week.
- Samuel needs to have his spine looked at by an ortho doc, since he has had abnormal xrays, and is still having quite a bit of pain there.
- Michael needs to see a developmental doc to get a diagnosis for Aspergers. This was he can be on an IEP when he needs it.
- Let me get you some information on a health clinic for kids, so they can lose weight. (Said the 5' 8" 90 pound doctor)
Dentist notes-
- Michael needs braces now, his teeth are getting worse everyday. He cannot even reach all of the sides of his teeth to brush proerly.
- Samuel can have the 2nd set of braces put on, but we have to pull 4 teeth since they are baby teeth and completely impacted. THey won't come out if we don't pull them.
- Both kids need sealants put on.
Yes, that was a lot of information to digest for one day. Too much for me, I just could not take it. Maybe it is just a hornomal time for me, who knows!
Today I woke up with a much better attitude. I decided that I would finish all of the calls I had to make for the boys' school stuff. THEN I would make all of these appointments.
Well, I called LCCS first, and that went SO BAD that I didn't make another call for the rest of the day.
I singed a contract with LCCS (as all parents so) that says we will not talk bad about or gossip about the school. This is not gossip since it is about me, it is just facts. And it is not bad-mouthing, I am just gonna give everyone the facts...
Samuel and Michael went to that school for a year and a half. I adored it. I would do these long, wonderful blogs about what a great place it was. I had a handful of parents warning me, saying it was not all I thought it was. I thought that I was just dealing with picky moms, or naysayers. Looking back, I wish I had taken their advice. :-/
I LIVED at that school, I volunteered for everything they had. Even doing grunt work, like serving and cleaning at the Pony Express 2 years in a row. I worked everyday at the Christmas Shoope. I sat and made copies for HOURS....seriously...HOURS every week. I would have done anything, I loved that school.
THen when Justin left our family, we were a mess. The school helped us emotionally, giving the blys slack on their work, and placing them in free therapy. Michael even went to a divorce support group during school hours. I thought I had finally made some true friends! Again, parents are still warning me. And at this point, I made some strong relationships with a few teachers, and even they warned me that it was not all it was cracked up to be.
However, I am someone who has to find out for myself, I have to see it to believe it. I had NEVER been hurt by the school, so why worry, it was good to us.
Today that changed.
Remember, just the facts.
I called to get a copy of Samuel's last report card, since the new school needs it. They told me that since I had a balance, they could not release the report card to me. I said, "I have only child support as an income, I am raising a family of three, I have cancer that requires MANY doctor's appointments, my boys need numerous upcoming appointments. AND...you guys KNOW what happened with my family, and how we were dropped on our butts. I cannt pay ANYTHING right now, but I will try when I get more of an income." She said, I know Hollie, I am so sorry, but I cannot release anything. Please keep us updated on how things go. (HA!!!!!!!) I was hysterically crying at this point, so I just said okay and hung up.
Once I gathered myself, a good hour later, I wish I had brough up the fact that I have paid them almost $10,000, and I only owe one month of tuition. It is insane that they will not release MY CHILD'S report card because of that. I guess I didn't really make friends, I made "people who like to take my money and pretend to be concerned aquaintances."
Okay, just typing this blog out is exhausting me, I am going to bed.
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