I'm just sitting in bed, chillaxin with my kitty, Angel, watching WHY DID I GET MARRIED? on TBS. :) I have decided to do a "favorite things" blog, why not, right?! ;)
So here goes, a few of Hollie's favorite things...
♥ Snowflakes coming through the window while I take a warm shower.
♥ Glitter.
♥ Sponge triangles to apply make-up.
♥ Scrapbooks and memory boxes.
♥ Hearing a child pray.
♥ Naps.
♥ Journaling, blogging, and writing in general.
♥ Baby clothes.
♥ Sweet tea, beans & cornbread, red beans & rice.
♥ Boomin' music is my car.
♥ Facial masks.
♥ Watching giraffes eat.
♥ Bags, not purses, bags!
♥ Church and Sunday School.
♥ Music in all forms, except screamo.
♥ The smell of coffee shops.
♥ Writing cards to people.
♥ White Christmas lights, all year. :)
♥ Swimming in lakes, feeling fishies bite my feet.
♥ Clean floors.
♥ Fresh bedding.
♥ 80's memorabilia, especially Popples.
♥ Spending time in Amish Country.
♥ Getting as many needs met as we can at Goodwill.
♥ Being surrounded by pets all the time.
♥ Headbands.
♥ Teddy Grahams with moo juice.
♥ Men who are honorable.
♥ Candles. I love sitting in my candle lit room.
♥ Christopher Walkin.
♥ Dancing and singing, loudly!
♥ Antiques.
♥ The smell of fresh laundry.
♥ Oceans that are so emerald you can see the bottom.
♥ Crisp, white socks, panties, and bras.
♥ Canada.
♥ A good ink pen.
♥ Getting rained on.
♥ New Bibles with thin, crispy paper...and a shiny border.
♥ Laminating machines.
♥ Watching old home movies.
♥ Fountain drinks.
♥ Having dozens of nail polish bottles to choose from.
♥ Beehives.
♥ Homemade gifts, giving and receiving.
♥ Women who respect the "woman code."
♥ Planning parties.
♥ Watching leaves fall, them crunching them under my feet.
♥ Belly laughter.
♥ Maps and globes.
♥ Jammin out at concerts.
♥ People who are NOT superficial, and can see into your soul.
♥ The feeling you get the first time you hold "his" hand. ;)
♥ Spelling colour with a U.
♥ Lanyards.
♥ Cheesy tourist shops.
♥ The bestest Canon Camera ever, this one! I want it soo bad!!!
♥ Animals tilting their head out of curiosity.
♥ Homemade quilts.
♥ Double rainbows.
♥ The atmosphere of a campus in the fall.
♥ Dandelions and wildflowers.
♥ Being moved by song lyrics.
Okay, I will shut up now, I am tired of writing. :) So, I have a question for you...
WHAT ARE YOU FAVORITE THINGS?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Bad dreams, Bad appointments, Bad behavior
This blog is gonna be quite a roller coaster of emotion for you all! It is just raw emotion from me, I can't give anything more than that right now...
First I want to tell you all about this bad dream I had, almost like a nightmare. It was about Nathan, the little boy that we were just days away from adopting when my world was turned upside down. I still miss him, my heartaches as if I had lost a child of my own. He called me mom, he saw Samuel and Michael as brothers, he was MY FAMILY.
About the dream...
I was dreaming that we got a call saying that his parents had died. The case worker wanted me to come see him, since he kept talking about us. (Mind you, this was when all of the boys were in their late teens.) I went to see him and it was like nothing ever changed, he fell right back into his place in my family. He begged me to take him in so foster care would not take him. I told him I could not since I was a single parent now, the state would not let me. He cried and pleaded, my boys cried and pleaded. In the dream we spent as much time with him as we could, nearly every waking minute. Then it came time for us to say goodbye, the state still would not allow him to live with us, so we all cried. I was beyond hysterical, crying like I had never cried. Then BOOM, I woke us, face was wet with tears- and I was breathing heavy. Talk about an emotional dream.
I woke up and could not get it out of my head, still can't. I find myself staring at pictures of all 3 of "my" boys. :'( I feel like I should be past all of this, but then along comes these crazy dreams, and all of my emotions surface again.
And there any pills you can take to stop dreaming? lol ;)
Moving on...
Yesterday was the kiddos back-to-school well checks, followed by dental appointments. Let me just say, IT SUCKED! The entire day sucked, and when I got home I was so mentally drained that I sat in bed and cried myself to sleep. I do not like to be bombarded with a bunch of news all at once.
Here is how it went down (all things the doc said)...
- Your kids are fat so we need to run lipid panels on them, this is common for children now-a-days.
- Samuel is due for a tetnus booster, we will do that today.
- Both kids failed our eye exams, more than once, they need to go see an eye doctor.
- We will do Michael's thyroid bloodwork, it is probably why he is having such severe hot flases. Luckily you are seeing his endocrinologist next week.
- Samuel needs to have his spine looked at by an ortho doc, since he has had abnormal xrays, and is still having quite a bit of pain there.
- Michael needs to see a developmental doc to get a diagnosis for Aspergers. This was he can be on an IEP when he needs it.
- Let me get you some information on a health clinic for kids, so they can lose weight. (Said the 5' 8" 90 pound doctor)
Dentist notes-
- Michael needs braces now, his teeth are getting worse everyday. He cannot even reach all of the sides of his teeth to brush proerly.
- Samuel can have the 2nd set of braces put on, but we have to pull 4 teeth since they are baby teeth and completely impacted. THey won't come out if we don't pull them.
- Both kids need sealants put on.
Yes, that was a lot of information to digest for one day. Too much for me, I just could not take it. Maybe it is just a hornomal time for me, who knows!
Today I woke up with a much better attitude. I decided that I would finish all of the calls I had to make for the boys' school stuff. THEN I would make all of these appointments.
Well, I called LCCS first, and that went SO BAD that I didn't make another call for the rest of the day.
I singed a contract with LCCS (as all parents so) that says we will not talk bad about or gossip about the school. This is not gossip since it is about me, it is just facts. And it is not bad-mouthing, I am just gonna give everyone the facts...
Samuel and Michael went to that school for a year and a half. I adored it. I would do these long, wonderful blogs about what a great place it was. I had a handful of parents warning me, saying it was not all I thought it was. I thought that I was just dealing with picky moms, or naysayers. Looking back, I wish I had taken their advice. :-/
I LIVED at that school, I volunteered for everything they had. Even doing grunt work, like serving and cleaning at the Pony Express 2 years in a row. I worked everyday at the Christmas Shoope. I sat and made copies for HOURS....seriously...HOURS every week. I would have done anything, I loved that school.
THen when Justin left our family, we were a mess. The school helped us emotionally, giving the blys slack on their work, and placing them in free therapy. Michael even went to a divorce support group during school hours. I thought I had finally made some true friends! Again, parents are still warning me. And at this point, I made some strong relationships with a few teachers, and even they warned me that it was not all it was cracked up to be.
However, I am someone who has to find out for myself, I have to see it to believe it. I had NEVER been hurt by the school, so why worry, it was good to us.
Today that changed.
Remember, just the facts.
I called to get a copy of Samuel's last report card, since the new school needs it. They told me that since I had a balance, they could not release the report card to me. I said, "I have only child support as an income, I am raising a family of three, I have cancer that requires MANY doctor's appointments, my boys need numerous upcoming appointments. AND...you guys KNOW what happened with my family, and how we were dropped on our butts. I cannt pay ANYTHING right now, but I will try when I get more of an income." She said, I know Hollie, I am so sorry, but I cannot release anything. Please keep us updated on how things go. (HA!!!!!!!) I was hysterically crying at this point, so I just said okay and hung up.
Once I gathered myself, a good hour later, I wish I had brough up the fact that I have paid them almost $10,000, and I only owe one month of tuition. It is insane that they will not release MY CHILD'S report card because of that. I guess I didn't really make friends, I made "people who like to take my money and pretend to be concerned aquaintances."
Okay, just typing this blog out is exhausting me, I am going to bed.
First I want to tell you all about this bad dream I had, almost like a nightmare. It was about Nathan, the little boy that we were just days away from adopting when my world was turned upside down. I still miss him, my heartaches as if I had lost a child of my own. He called me mom, he saw Samuel and Michael as brothers, he was MY FAMILY.
About the dream...
I was dreaming that we got a call saying that his parents had died. The case worker wanted me to come see him, since he kept talking about us. (Mind you, this was when all of the boys were in their late teens.) I went to see him and it was like nothing ever changed, he fell right back into his place in my family. He begged me to take him in so foster care would not take him. I told him I could not since I was a single parent now, the state would not let me. He cried and pleaded, my boys cried and pleaded. In the dream we spent as much time with him as we could, nearly every waking minute. Then it came time for us to say goodbye, the state still would not allow him to live with us, so we all cried. I was beyond hysterical, crying like I had never cried. Then BOOM, I woke us, face was wet with tears- and I was breathing heavy. Talk about an emotional dream.
I woke up and could not get it out of my head, still can't. I find myself staring at pictures of all 3 of "my" boys. :'( I feel like I should be past all of this, but then along comes these crazy dreams, and all of my emotions surface again.
And there any pills you can take to stop dreaming? lol ;)
Moving on...
Yesterday was the kiddos back-to-school well checks, followed by dental appointments. Let me just say, IT SUCKED! The entire day sucked, and when I got home I was so mentally drained that I sat in bed and cried myself to sleep. I do not like to be bombarded with a bunch of news all at once.
Here is how it went down (all things the doc said)...
- Your kids are fat so we need to run lipid panels on them, this is common for children now-a-days.
- Samuel is due for a tetnus booster, we will do that today.
- Both kids failed our eye exams, more than once, they need to go see an eye doctor.
- We will do Michael's thyroid bloodwork, it is probably why he is having such severe hot flases. Luckily you are seeing his endocrinologist next week.
- Samuel needs to have his spine looked at by an ortho doc, since he has had abnormal xrays, and is still having quite a bit of pain there.
- Michael needs to see a developmental doc to get a diagnosis for Aspergers. This was he can be on an IEP when he needs it.
- Let me get you some information on a health clinic for kids, so they can lose weight. (Said the 5' 8" 90 pound doctor)
Dentist notes-
- Michael needs braces now, his teeth are getting worse everyday. He cannot even reach all of the sides of his teeth to brush proerly.
- Samuel can have the 2nd set of braces put on, but we have to pull 4 teeth since they are baby teeth and completely impacted. THey won't come out if we don't pull them.
- Both kids need sealants put on.
Yes, that was a lot of information to digest for one day. Too much for me, I just could not take it. Maybe it is just a hornomal time for me, who knows!
Today I woke up with a much better attitude. I decided that I would finish all of the calls I had to make for the boys' school stuff. THEN I would make all of these appointments.
Well, I called LCCS first, and that went SO BAD that I didn't make another call for the rest of the day.
I singed a contract with LCCS (as all parents so) that says we will not talk bad about or gossip about the school. This is not gossip since it is about me, it is just facts. And it is not bad-mouthing, I am just gonna give everyone the facts...
Samuel and Michael went to that school for a year and a half. I adored it. I would do these long, wonderful blogs about what a great place it was. I had a handful of parents warning me, saying it was not all I thought it was. I thought that I was just dealing with picky moms, or naysayers. Looking back, I wish I had taken their advice. :-/
I LIVED at that school, I volunteered for everything they had. Even doing grunt work, like serving and cleaning at the Pony Express 2 years in a row. I worked everyday at the Christmas Shoope. I sat and made copies for HOURS....seriously...HOURS every week. I would have done anything, I loved that school.
THen when Justin left our family, we were a mess. The school helped us emotionally, giving the blys slack on their work, and placing them in free therapy. Michael even went to a divorce support group during school hours. I thought I had finally made some true friends! Again, parents are still warning me. And at this point, I made some strong relationships with a few teachers, and even they warned me that it was not all it was cracked up to be.
However, I am someone who has to find out for myself, I have to see it to believe it. I had NEVER been hurt by the school, so why worry, it was good to us.
Today that changed.
Remember, just the facts.
I called to get a copy of Samuel's last report card, since the new school needs it. They told me that since I had a balance, they could not release the report card to me. I said, "I have only child support as an income, I am raising a family of three, I have cancer that requires MANY doctor's appointments, my boys need numerous upcoming appointments. AND...you guys KNOW what happened with my family, and how we were dropped on our butts. I cannt pay ANYTHING right now, but I will try when I get more of an income." She said, I know Hollie, I am so sorry, but I cannot release anything. Please keep us updated on how things go. (HA!!!!!!!) I was hysterically crying at this point, so I just said okay and hung up.
Once I gathered myself, a good hour later, I wish I had brough up the fact that I have paid them almost $10,000, and I only owe one month of tuition. It is insane that they will not release MY CHILD'S report card because of that. I guess I didn't really make friends, I made "people who like to take my money and pretend to be concerned aquaintances."
Okay, just typing this blog out is exhausting me, I am going to bed.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Picture Your Life
Friends~Family~Fellow Bloggers~
My mother and I have decided to "try" and start a small business on Etsy.com. :-) We are basically offering our artistic creations. (Picture Your Life- Link)
My mom is offering caricatures and ink pen portraits...her work is so beautiful. The pictures below are just examples. The caricature is a recent one that she did for me, and the ink pen portrait is one of her great dane, Bob, that she lost the day before.
I will be offering photo DVD's, and photo editing. Basically I will offer to do the editing like I did in the photos below, and the DVD's will be for those who would like their photos set to music. Stuff the I love to do!
My mom and I will both offer rice jewelry. We can write names, birth-dates, etc... on a grain of rice and make it into a necklace, key-chain, etc... We are both new to this, but I think we finally have it down. Technical pens are my new best friend.
Many of you know that I am fighting cancer...and I have extremely poor health. Working a job is not realistic for me, since I basically live at the doctor's office and I have limited mobility. This is a dream of mine, to have a business that I can do everything from home, and in my own time, and not undertaking any tasks that I cannot handle. My mother's health is also declining, and working is not a real option for her either. So we sat and discussed and we decided that we will never know if we could have made it unless we just jump in with both feet!
Here is our site, please check it out, but more importantly- SPREAD the word :-)
PICTURE YOUR LIFE- LINK
Here are some photos from the site of the stuff we are offering...
My mom's caricatures and ink portrait examples-
Photo editing, just like these two pics-
Monday, August 2, 2010
Goodbye Big Silly Man
Bob, our majestic, regal, loving, Great Dane, has crossed over the rainbow bridge.
Everyone who met Bob loved him instantly. He was 150 pounds of lap dog! He stood 7 feet tall when standing on his hind legs, and always watched our neighbors over the privacy fence. He had the most beautiful brindle markings, and big brown eyes.
Bob was the alpha dog in our house, he led with an iron fist. He was first to do everything, and he made all the other dogs wait for him to finish. He would lay on the end of the couch, pretending to be asleep, and if ANY dog tried to pass him he would make a very soft growling noise. My mom said he was playing "Billy Goats Gruff," and all the dogs had to pay a toll to pass. :-) This was his most favorite game in the house.
Bob's simple thinking and clumsy mannerisms made him even more lovable. He could not figure something out to save his life. He was very large, so if he got stuck in the bathroom or hallway it would take him a good 10 minutes to figure out how to get out of the predicament he was in. He would trap you in a room and force you to love him, pressing all 150 pounds against you. And when you have that much "Bob" forcing you to love him, there is no saying no! :-) One of the funniest things Bob ever did was inside of PetSmart- he got it in his mind that the GIANT hanging animals were real. Hehe. On one visit there, he barked and barked at the giant cat hanging over the feline section...he didn't even notice the people around him, he just knew he had to keep that darn cat away from us! I really loved him.
Bob lived and breathed to protect my mom. On more than one occasion he would jump to her defense if he thought she was hurt in any way. His love for her was the very definition of unconditional. Bob also loved his daddy, often sitting with him at night while they watched movies. Samuel and Michael were also special to Bob, he loved it when they would lay next to him and kiss him. And I feel so honored because, Bob never licked anyone, it was never his thing...but when I moved in, he would lick my face just a very little bit, to say "I love you." I will never forget those moments!
In the last weeks of his life, Bob took a drastic turn with his health. We noticed he wasn't eating, he never got up to play, he never wanted to be loved, his muscles were twitching, and he could not hold himself up anymore. It all happened so fast, we were not ready to say goodbye to Big Bob. I am having a hard time writing this, because every time I think about him, I want to go out into the living room and see him- but he is not there. :'( I can't stand it. There is an emptiness that cannot be filled.
We have lost so much in a years time, we suffered so much heartache. I try to keep my head up, because I know things could always get worse. I thank God for my strong faith, because I could have never made it through everything I have made it through without a GREAT GOD. I am also thankful for the unwavering faith that my family has, I know that we can always lean on each other through these times. God has never let us down, and He never will. We asked for an answer on what to do with Bob, and my mom knew immediately that it was time to say goodbye. God is never early- He is never late- He is always RIGHT ON TIME.
Here are some pictures of our handsome man, please take a minute to read the captions and look at the pictures. Bob is now running free with all the other danes we have lost along the way- Frank, Lars, Lisa, Tinka, Raina, Connie, Hunter, Frankie and his best friend, his sister, Hannah Banana. :'( Run free big silly man, and make sure that everyone knows who the boss is!! I love you forever.
This pic was taken in February, and I am sure it is what Bob looks like now, running and playing, with no pain....
This was Bob letting Lisa know who was going in first!!! I hope they are playing together tonight...
This is the last picture of Bob, it was taken on Friday with my cell phone. He was really sick and that point, but he loved my mom, and she loved him, all the way until the end. I will cherish this picture...
Everyone who met Bob loved him instantly. He was 150 pounds of lap dog! He stood 7 feet tall when standing on his hind legs, and always watched our neighbors over the privacy fence. He had the most beautiful brindle markings, and big brown eyes.
Bob was the alpha dog in our house, he led with an iron fist. He was first to do everything, and he made all the other dogs wait for him to finish. He would lay on the end of the couch, pretending to be asleep, and if ANY dog tried to pass him he would make a very soft growling noise. My mom said he was playing "Billy Goats Gruff," and all the dogs had to pay a toll to pass. :-) This was his most favorite game in the house.
Bob's simple thinking and clumsy mannerisms made him even more lovable. He could not figure something out to save his life. He was very large, so if he got stuck in the bathroom or hallway it would take him a good 10 minutes to figure out how to get out of the predicament he was in. He would trap you in a room and force you to love him, pressing all 150 pounds against you. And when you have that much "Bob" forcing you to love him, there is no saying no! :-) One of the funniest things Bob ever did was inside of PetSmart- he got it in his mind that the GIANT hanging animals were real. Hehe. On one visit there, he barked and barked at the giant cat hanging over the feline section...he didn't even notice the people around him, he just knew he had to keep that darn cat away from us! I really loved him.
Bob lived and breathed to protect my mom. On more than one occasion he would jump to her defense if he thought she was hurt in any way. His love for her was the very definition of unconditional. Bob also loved his daddy, often sitting with him at night while they watched movies. Samuel and Michael were also special to Bob, he loved it when they would lay next to him and kiss him. And I feel so honored because, Bob never licked anyone, it was never his thing...but when I moved in, he would lick my face just a very little bit, to say "I love you." I will never forget those moments!
In the last weeks of his life, Bob took a drastic turn with his health. We noticed he wasn't eating, he never got up to play, he never wanted to be loved, his muscles were twitching, and he could not hold himself up anymore. It all happened so fast, we were not ready to say goodbye to Big Bob. I am having a hard time writing this, because every time I think about him, I want to go out into the living room and see him- but he is not there. :'( I can't stand it. There is an emptiness that cannot be filled.
We have lost so much in a years time, we suffered so much heartache. I try to keep my head up, because I know things could always get worse. I thank God for my strong faith, because I could have never made it through everything I have made it through without a GREAT GOD. I am also thankful for the unwavering faith that my family has, I know that we can always lean on each other through these times. God has never let us down, and He never will. We asked for an answer on what to do with Bob, and my mom knew immediately that it was time to say goodbye. God is never early- He is never late- He is always RIGHT ON TIME.
Here are some pictures of our handsome man, please take a minute to read the captions and look at the pictures. Bob is now running free with all the other danes we have lost along the way- Frank, Lars, Lisa, Tinka, Raina, Connie, Hunter, Frankie and his best friend, his sister, Hannah Banana. :'( Run free big silly man, and make sure that everyone knows who the boss is!! I love you forever.
This pic was taken in February, and I am sure it is what Bob looks like now, running and playing, with no pain....
This was Bob letting Lisa know who was going in first!!! I hope they are playing together tonight...
This is the last picture of Bob, it was taken on Friday with my cell phone. He was really sick and that point, but he loved my mom, and she loved him, all the way until the end. I will cherish this picture...
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Just some pics...
Too tired to talk, but here are some pics from the last 2 days! Click to enlarge them! :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Forgive.
I just feel like blogging, not really sure what about, just wanna talk (or type).
Most of my close friends know that I have made a vow in my life to not have enemies. I do not want the word HATE to be in my vocabulary. God commands us to forgive, so I do my very best to forgive everything. I also do my best to apologize quickly when I am wrong.
I have had to forgive some pretty big stuff in my life...such as, my biological father being the drug/alcohol addicted, non-family man that he was. Or my grandparents for the emotion and physical abuse that they dealt out to all four of their children. And let us not forget when I was dropped on my butt with two kids, and left with no stability. Big stuff, and this does not even scratch the surface.
But, being a sinner, saved by grace, I know forgiveness is not something that God suggests, He commands it. How can I expect to be forgiven of my sins, if I cannot forgive others? And honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I have forgiven everyone, and I am truly at peace in my heart.
Lately things have been getting more difficult for me, and I DO NOT want to fall into the unforgiving person I USED to be. So I am praying for strength and wisdom with each situation as it arises.
Oddly enough, forgiving the horrible things that family has done is EASIER than forging friends when they betray me. I am not sure why, it should be easier. Maybe it is because I choose my friends and I expect more from them. Maybe I feel more obligated to forgive family, you know, since they are family. I don't know...
I DO KNOW, that I have to work through this, because when I made that vow (to not have enemies) I was serious, and I take vows VERY seriously. I just need to figure out a way to forgive, and move on, without becoming more angry or upset.
I have a tendency to allow friends to walk on me, I always have, and probably always will. I have accepted that this is simply something I cannot change about my personality. I wish I was more like my mother, and could speak my mind more. But then again, I know the life she had to live in order to be so vocal, so maybe I should not complain...I had an amazing childhood where I knew I had a mom that would ALWAYS be there for me!
I have decided that I will just back out of the picture when I feel like I am being used. That is not necessarily a bad thing, friendships fade over time, and I feel like I have some that are simply fading. :'( It is sad, but in order to keep my sanity, I have to let go. I hate seeing a chapter end, no matter if it is a friend, family, job, hobby, anything...
I also hate fighting with friends. Have you ever had a friend that you actually fought with? I never have until my late 20s, and let me just say, not my cup of tea. I am an adult, the only people that I should be fighting with are my kids and boyfriends! Because you cannot help but fight with your kids, and every good relationship has fighting, otherwise you are not connecting. Other than those two scenarios, I have no reason to FIGHT with anyone, maybe disagree, but not fight.
I have some of the best girlfriends in the world, friends that have my back through think and thin! I have a family that most people would give anything for, a network that is so strong it CANNOT be broken. It just kills me that I struggle with a few friendships. But again, it is better to bow out, and move on, instead of living in anger. That way forgiveness is easier...and as you have heard a million times by now, I HAVE to forgive...I even WANT to forgive. Really.
Okay, I feel like I have chatted enough. Hehe. :) Plus....THE DECISION....is coming on in 20 minutes, I would not want to interfere with such pressing, worldwide news! =D (BTW, I hope he goes so Cleveland will show some "real" news stories!)
Most of my close friends know that I have made a vow in my life to not have enemies. I do not want the word HATE to be in my vocabulary. God commands us to forgive, so I do my very best to forgive everything. I also do my best to apologize quickly when I am wrong.
I have had to forgive some pretty big stuff in my life...such as, my biological father being the drug/alcohol addicted, non-family man that he was. Or my grandparents for the emotion and physical abuse that they dealt out to all four of their children. And let us not forget when I was dropped on my butt with two kids, and left with no stability. Big stuff, and this does not even scratch the surface.
But, being a sinner, saved by grace, I know forgiveness is not something that God suggests, He commands it. How can I expect to be forgiven of my sins, if I cannot forgive others? And honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I have forgiven everyone, and I am truly at peace in my heart.
Lately things have been getting more difficult for me, and I DO NOT want to fall into the unforgiving person I USED to be. So I am praying for strength and wisdom with each situation as it arises.
Oddly enough, forgiving the horrible things that family has done is EASIER than forging friends when they betray me. I am not sure why, it should be easier. Maybe it is because I choose my friends and I expect more from them. Maybe I feel more obligated to forgive family, you know, since they are family. I don't know...
I DO KNOW, that I have to work through this, because when I made that vow (to not have enemies) I was serious, and I take vows VERY seriously. I just need to figure out a way to forgive, and move on, without becoming more angry or upset.
I have a tendency to allow friends to walk on me, I always have, and probably always will. I have accepted that this is simply something I cannot change about my personality. I wish I was more like my mother, and could speak my mind more. But then again, I know the life she had to live in order to be so vocal, so maybe I should not complain...I had an amazing childhood where I knew I had a mom that would ALWAYS be there for me!
I have decided that I will just back out of the picture when I feel like I am being used. That is not necessarily a bad thing, friendships fade over time, and I feel like I have some that are simply fading. :'( It is sad, but in order to keep my sanity, I have to let go. I hate seeing a chapter end, no matter if it is a friend, family, job, hobby, anything...
I also hate fighting with friends. Have you ever had a friend that you actually fought with? I never have until my late 20s, and let me just say, not my cup of tea. I am an adult, the only people that I should be fighting with are my kids and boyfriends! Because you cannot help but fight with your kids, and every good relationship has fighting, otherwise you are not connecting. Other than those two scenarios, I have no reason to FIGHT with anyone, maybe disagree, but not fight.
I have some of the best girlfriends in the world, friends that have my back through think and thin! I have a family that most people would give anything for, a network that is so strong it CANNOT be broken. It just kills me that I struggle with a few friendships. But again, it is better to bow out, and move on, instead of living in anger. That way forgiveness is easier...and as you have heard a million times by now, I HAVE to forgive...I even WANT to forgive. Really.
Okay, I feel like I have chatted enough. Hehe. :) Plus....THE DECISION....is coming on in 20 minutes, I would not want to interfere with such pressing, worldwide news! =D (BTW, I hope he goes so Cleveland will show some "real" news stories!)
Monday, July 5, 2010
Ohio ROX my SOX! ;)
Hey all, just wanted to give everyone a heads up on some amazing events that are coming to Ohio soon! :-)
If you are down Cincinnati way, be sure to hit up Kings Island July 8-10 for SPIRIT SONG 2010...there will be some big names there, like TobyMac! Here is the LINK.
July 17th some really cool Christian artists (rap, hip hop) will be at Lake Center Christian in Hartville. This is sure to be a great concert, you can hear ads for it on AlternaFish every Sat. and Sun. night, 95.5. Here is the LINK.
If you want some good, clean comedy, be sure to check out Tim Hawkins and John Branyan when they come to Youngstown on July 25th! Here is the LINK!
Point Fest will be coming to Cedar Point on September 18th. You can see Casting Crowns (AMAZING), Family Force 5, Remedy Drive, and more. Here is the LINK.
If you can't make it to Kings Island and still wanna hear TobyMac (w/ Max Lucado, Third Day, and Michael W. Smith) then check out his concert in Youngstown on September 30th! I am sure it is gonna be amazing, Michael is trying to save up money for us to go (he is a sweetie) for my birthday! Here is the LINK.
As you can see, there is a lot of amazing stuff coming up, I hope you all get a chance to make it to at least one of these. If I forgot something just let me know!
If you are down Cincinnati way, be sure to hit up Kings Island July 8-10 for SPIRIT SONG 2010...there will be some big names there, like TobyMac! Here is the LINK.
July 17th some really cool Christian artists (rap, hip hop) will be at Lake Center Christian in Hartville. This is sure to be a great concert, you can hear ads for it on AlternaFish every Sat. and Sun. night, 95.5. Here is the LINK.
If you want some good, clean comedy, be sure to check out Tim Hawkins and John Branyan when they come to Youngstown on July 25th! Here is the LINK!
Point Fest will be coming to Cedar Point on September 18th. You can see Casting Crowns (AMAZING), Family Force 5, Remedy Drive, and more. Here is the LINK.
If you can't make it to Kings Island and still wanna hear TobyMac (w/ Max Lucado, Third Day, and Michael W. Smith) then check out his concert in Youngstown on September 30th! I am sure it is gonna be amazing, Michael is trying to save up money for us to go (he is a sweetie) for my birthday! Here is the LINK.
As you can see, there is a lot of amazing stuff coming up, I hope you all get a chance to make it to at least one of these. If I forgot something just let me know!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Thought provoking...
Just a few neat questions, with my answers. :-) Feel free to answer them yourself in the comment section.
What would you do if you were certain that nobody would judge your choices?
Live in an tent. I would bathe in rivers, swim in springs, observe nature daily and nightly. I went camping recently and had to live in a tent for four days, and it was such a freeing experience. All materialistic things were not even in my mind. I got to spend quality time with people I love, worship my Maker all day and night, sit by campfires enjoying music from our own mouths, and just have an overwhelming feeling of joy fill my body and soul. It made me realize how materialistic the world has become, and quickly we have forgotten the "free beauty" all around us. No, it is not a PERFECT lifestyle...there are insects, and extreme temperatures, and storms! But, I made it through all of that and still preferred that lifestyle. If no one would judge or criticize me, I guarantee you my boys and I would be living at a campground from April to October every year. Seriously.
What are your three "nevers" in life?
1. Never talk MORE than you listen.
2. Never betray someones trust.
3. Never allow your faith to be shaken, or be persuaded to "bend" on certain standpoints in your beliefs.
Which is a stronger emotion: anger or love?
I am definitely gonna have to go with love. I have been on both sides of this coin, and I can say with 100% certainty that love is much stronger.
When I get angry I will fly off the handle, no doubt about it. Especially if I am angry because my boys were wronged in some way or another. However, once the anger has passed, and the situation is in a better place, your mind will let go of those memories over time. I can't even begin to name all the things I have been angry about.
Love is a different story, I can tell you ever time my heart has been broken. When you fall in love, you are in a completely vulnerable state (unless you are not loving whole-heartily). That vulnerability will cause so much more pain! Every time I have been hurt by love, it leaves scars that never fully go away. I also can't forget the pain that love caused, but I can slowly forget anger.
If you look at love and anger in a different light, I still believe love is stronger...
When I love, I love with every fiber of my being. When I give my heart, it is in it's entirety. Loving another is the best gift you can give another person. My "love" towards others will always outweigh anger. I can love my son with everything in me, and I can be angry at him with everything in me....but honestly, the love will always be stronger.
I think a lot of my opinions on this have to do with my faith. God says to love your neighbors as yourself, and to love and obey your spouse, ans to love your children, etc.... Love is very important to God. And if you can't love others as HE loves US, how can you expect joy in your life?
The Bible also speaks about anger, and how we should control it. We should turn the other cheek, forgive those who trespass against us, etc... Instead of rising up in anger, we should try to turn that emotion into love. I said TRY, I know it is hard.
Would you give your life to save someone else's?
I can look at this question from two standpoints, physically and spiritually.
Physically speaking I would say yes I could easily give my life to save my boys' lives. I think that ANY mother would be able to say the same, it is our instinct. And since we have such strong maternal instinct, we want to protect others. So if I were caught in the middle of some disaster with my family of friends, I may jump in to help, I don't think I could run or sit and watch, even if it meant losing my life.
Spiritually speaking the answer is YES. No questions asked. If my life could be used to save even ONE could from eternal damnation, then dying would totally be worth it. I want to see everyone saved, and sometimes people need a dramatic sign (like death) from God to change their lives. I would hope that all Bible believing Christians are with me on this!
Can you describe your life with a six word sentence?
Confessed my sins, will live eternally.
What is the difference between living and existing?
I think this question is super easy. :)
Existing is just doing the bare minimum in life...waking up, eating, bathing, etc... You really have no goals, or beliefs, and you are just waiting for you time here to be up.
Living is...well, LIVING! Going about and beyond the daily life routines. Making sure you enjoy your time with others, tucking your kids in at night, praying, setting goals, having a walk with God, watching the clouds pass by in the sky, being grateful for small things, smiling, making sure you do everything you want to do....no regrets!
Are you aware that someone has it worse than you?
Always. I say this to my boys all the time. It is so easy to sink into self pity when the world seems to continuously crash down around you, but you have to keep your head held high. When money troubles get to me, I think of homeless people, or people with no food or clothing. I am blessed with what I have. When I get upset about my cancer, I think of the parents that will watch their toddler die from the disease this month. I am thankful I am not living in a hospital like so many others. When I get depressed about restructuring my life as a single parent, I think about the nurse that told me her husband left her after 30 years of marriage, for a YOUNG woman. She had never worked, and she never saw it coming. I am thankful mine was only 10 years, I cannot imagine 30...I am blessed.
Time or money?
Time.
Money buys you trouble and gets you into sin.
Time will get you more evening with your children, more sunrises, more of everything that truly matters.
Okay y'all, remember, you are more than welcome to post your answers to these questions in my comment box! I'd love to see what you all have to say! :-)
What would you do if you were certain that nobody would judge your choices?
Live in an tent. I would bathe in rivers, swim in springs, observe nature daily and nightly. I went camping recently and had to live in a tent for four days, and it was such a freeing experience. All materialistic things were not even in my mind. I got to spend quality time with people I love, worship my Maker all day and night, sit by campfires enjoying music from our own mouths, and just have an overwhelming feeling of joy fill my body and soul. It made me realize how materialistic the world has become, and quickly we have forgotten the "free beauty" all around us. No, it is not a PERFECT lifestyle...there are insects, and extreme temperatures, and storms! But, I made it through all of that and still preferred that lifestyle. If no one would judge or criticize me, I guarantee you my boys and I would be living at a campground from April to October every year. Seriously.
What are your three "nevers" in life?
1. Never talk MORE than you listen.
2. Never betray someones trust.
3. Never allow your faith to be shaken, or be persuaded to "bend" on certain standpoints in your beliefs.
Which is a stronger emotion: anger or love?
I am definitely gonna have to go with love. I have been on both sides of this coin, and I can say with 100% certainty that love is much stronger.
When I get angry I will fly off the handle, no doubt about it. Especially if I am angry because my boys were wronged in some way or another. However, once the anger has passed, and the situation is in a better place, your mind will let go of those memories over time. I can't even begin to name all the things I have been angry about.
Love is a different story, I can tell you ever time my heart has been broken. When you fall in love, you are in a completely vulnerable state (unless you are not loving whole-heartily). That vulnerability will cause so much more pain! Every time I have been hurt by love, it leaves scars that never fully go away. I also can't forget the pain that love caused, but I can slowly forget anger.
If you look at love and anger in a different light, I still believe love is stronger...
When I love, I love with every fiber of my being. When I give my heart, it is in it's entirety. Loving another is the best gift you can give another person. My "love" towards others will always outweigh anger. I can love my son with everything in me, and I can be angry at him with everything in me....but honestly, the love will always be stronger.
I think a lot of my opinions on this have to do with my faith. God says to love your neighbors as yourself, and to love and obey your spouse, ans to love your children, etc.... Love is very important to God. And if you can't love others as HE loves US, how can you expect joy in your life?
The Bible also speaks about anger, and how we should control it. We should turn the other cheek, forgive those who trespass against us, etc... Instead of rising up in anger, we should try to turn that emotion into love. I said TRY, I know it is hard.
Would you give your life to save someone else's?
I can look at this question from two standpoints, physically and spiritually.
Physically speaking I would say yes I could easily give my life to save my boys' lives. I think that ANY mother would be able to say the same, it is our instinct. And since we have such strong maternal instinct, we want to protect others. So if I were caught in the middle of some disaster with my family of friends, I may jump in to help, I don't think I could run or sit and watch, even if it meant losing my life.
Spiritually speaking the answer is YES. No questions asked. If my life could be used to save even ONE could from eternal damnation, then dying would totally be worth it. I want to see everyone saved, and sometimes people need a dramatic sign (like death) from God to change their lives. I would hope that all Bible believing Christians are with me on this!
Can you describe your life with a six word sentence?
Confessed my sins, will live eternally.
What is the difference between living and existing?
I think this question is super easy. :)
Existing is just doing the bare minimum in life...waking up, eating, bathing, etc... You really have no goals, or beliefs, and you are just waiting for you time here to be up.
Living is...well, LIVING! Going about and beyond the daily life routines. Making sure you enjoy your time with others, tucking your kids in at night, praying, setting goals, having a walk with God, watching the clouds pass by in the sky, being grateful for small things, smiling, making sure you do everything you want to do....no regrets!
Are you aware that someone has it worse than you?
Always. I say this to my boys all the time. It is so easy to sink into self pity when the world seems to continuously crash down around you, but you have to keep your head held high. When money troubles get to me, I think of homeless people, or people with no food or clothing. I am blessed with what I have. When I get upset about my cancer, I think of the parents that will watch their toddler die from the disease this month. I am thankful I am not living in a hospital like so many others. When I get depressed about restructuring my life as a single parent, I think about the nurse that told me her husband left her after 30 years of marriage, for a YOUNG woman. She had never worked, and she never saw it coming. I am thankful mine was only 10 years, I cannot imagine 30...I am blessed.
Time or money?
Time.
Money buys you trouble and gets you into sin.
Time will get you more evening with your children, more sunrises, more of everything that truly matters.
Okay y'all, remember, you are more than welcome to post your answers to these questions in my comment box! I'd love to see what you all have to say! :-)
Friday, July 2, 2010
What do you need?
Hmm....such a simple (!!), thought provoking (ha) question. Let me think...
~I need money, it can buy me happiness.
~I need somewhere to run when I am confronted.
~I need to live a "charmed" life behind all the mirrors I have put up.
~I need to not be blamed for that person's cancer!
~I need a back-up plan when I screw up again.
~I need to talk the talk, but NEVER walk the walk.
~I need you to know I AM I AM I AM a good person. I I I
~I need to get all the attention I can, anyway I can get it.
Okay okay okay...let me shut up now!
I don't need any of that, but of course, those of you who know ME already know that! :) I will stop this (silly) confusion.
Most of you are probably not following this, just a select few that understand. And of course, you :-) that told me first (we are becoming fast friends, thanks babe). I love just having sources call me, without even asking or caring, it is seriously funny! And becoming friends with people you NEVER you befriend. Life is so bizarre.
Just ignore this if you are lost! =D
~I need money, it can buy me happiness.
~I need somewhere to run when I am confronted.
~I need to live a "charmed" life behind all the mirrors I have put up.
~I need to not be blamed for that person's cancer!
~I need a back-up plan when I screw up again.
~I need to talk the talk, but NEVER walk the walk.
~I need you to know I AM I AM I AM a good person. I I I
~I need to get all the attention I can, anyway I can get it.
Okay okay okay...let me shut up now!
I don't need any of that, but of course, those of you who know ME already know that! :) I will stop this (silly) confusion.
Most of you are probably not following this, just a select few that understand. And of course, you :-) that told me first (we are becoming fast friends, thanks babe). I love just having sources call me, without even asking or caring, it is seriously funny! And becoming friends with people you NEVER you befriend. Life is so bizarre.
Just ignore this if you are lost! =D
Monday, June 28, 2010
ALIVE FEST 2010!
(The photo above was taken while I was waiting for the TobyMac concert. I tried to get a pic of my entire shirt, but I couldn't. It is a pic of a Polaroid Camera shooting out a photo that says "Your Life." So...you know...PICTURE YOUR LIFE! Then the back says, "Will it matter in a thousand years?" I thought this was so cool, and so moving. All T's from liveoffensively.com are amazing!)
I feel speechless when I think about Alive. How can you put so much joy, excitement, and love into words? I don't think you can.
Here are two pics of me and my best guys at Alive, the first one was taken on day 2, it was hot as heck outside. The second photo was taken on the last day, before the crowds arrived to see TobyMac.
I also added quite a few videos to my Youtube site, but here is my favorite moment from the TobyMac concert....
I love the song FUNKY JESUS MUSIC so much, and I got sown during this song. Which is why I could not record very much, I had to live in the "once in a lifetime" moment.
The other highlight of that particular concert was when Truett came out on stage, for the first time! It was so cool, my boys love Truett! We never expected this, but we were so happy it happened at Alive 10. The kids had front stage passes to the Toby Mac concert (thank you mommy!) and they got to see him up close and personal!
Now instead of typing out some long blog, read this.....
This is my daily log from the Alive Fest. If you click the pictures they will enlarge and you can read them, just pay attention to the page numbers at the bottom- so you can stay in order. :) Welcome to my mind at Alive 10....
Here are some photos from our night hike to the the look-out tower, is was so beautiful! The pictures simply cannot give this majestic landscape justice...
The tent that momma assembled alone...
Bedtime for all (even the weird guy sitting in the vendor tent! lol)....
Daytime fun at seminars. The picture of the boys on the tram with the two teen boys was taken because they became friends and were goofing off and yelling at people and asking for hugs and whatnot, it was hilarious!! The rest are all from seminars...
Look at the Amphitheater crowds...
Cool signage....
The TobyMac experience...
The Comedy Club experience with Tim Hawkins and John Branyan....
Enjoying the artists that performed at ALIVE....
Okay, let me be frank with you all....I have been uploading photos since like 2pm or something like that, so I am just gonna end this blog by uploading all the rest of the pics without labeling them.....
Here is the last video that I shot at Alive 2010, my final thoughts about the week....
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