I also have this deep feeling like I should feel bad that I put the other five dogs to sleep. I mean, they were nice and loving, and great dogs to have...UNTIL THAT DAY. But, I can't shake the image of them drenched in blood with their blank eyes, and my heart is filled with hatred toward what they did to my angel. I don't wanna hate anybody...or ANY ANIMAL. I feel like hating them is not being true to who I am, the vegan, animal rescuer, ASPCA supporting girl that I am. I dunno, maybe this will pass with time.
I also ended up racking up a $1000 vet bill that I did not know what I was gonna do. At this point, I was at a low point, and I just gave it all to God. My parents, my kids, and I just prayed, because we believe in giving it all to God. The next thing I know....Sam (my brother) and Kathleen (my wonderful sister-in-law) called me and said they would pay off our vet bill. When they said that, my heart melted, and I broke down and cried. Even though I have said thank you, I can't say it enough, SO THANK YOU SAM AND KATHLEEN! <3
My mom and I have been so emotionally drained that we have slept almost the entire weekend away. Steve has been wonderful taking care of us, and he has had the biggest burden to bear. He was the one with Lou while she went to sleep, and he was the one who stayed with each of the other five as they went down. So I cannot tell you how wonderful Steve has been, he is such a good dad, grandpa, and a great husband for my mom.
Today we woke up and got ready for church...still quite emotional. But church was great for us, because God always gives us the messages we need to hear. The title to the sermon was "Opening the Door to the Impossible." Here was some key points that touched my heart...
-God can do the impossible.
-Be content, no matter what your circumstance.
-God allows bad things to happen to teach us.
-The door to the impossible opens when we have learned our lessons.
-I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME! (Phil 4:13)
All in all it was such a good service, plus it was a baptism service, which was wonderful to see...and again...very emotional.
Then the pastor ended the service talking about a family in our church that lost their little 19 day old baby girl, Alana. The put up a picture, told her story, talked about the mom who had just planned Alana's dedication ceremony...it was heartbreaking. Then he said, no matter what you went through this week, it was not as bad as that. And that really hit me, because I did lose part of my family, I lost beloved pets....but that is nothing in comparison with losing a child. That has actually helped me put things into perspective, and even though my heart is still aching, my problems are not nearly as bad as that of Alana's family. I am so glad that my pastor shared her story.
So all in all I suppose I am starting to do much better, as is my mom and Steve. I would be a lot better if my boys were home. Both of them have been gone all weekend, and I don't get to see them until tomorrow afternoon. I think I am missing them more this weekend because of all that has happened. I just cannot wait to hug and kiss my babies. I love those boys more than words can describe, and I am so grateful to have them.
Okay, I will shut up now, I have been so emotional, I just had to write about it, and let it all out!
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