Monday, May 31, 2010
Long....
It has been a while, so this bog is gonna be long and all over the place. :)
First off, today is my 11 year anniversary, and no one even said anything to me. Humph! ;) hehe Can you believe it, I was not sad or anything today? Go me! I didn't even remember it was my anniversary until I wrote the date down tonight.
Well I suppose that can lead into my divorce.
I went to divorce court last week, and it went okay. I remained strong, no crying all day- until Justin got on the stand to talk. In Ohio you actually have to get on the stand and be questioned by lawyers. It's retarded. Anywho, I was able to talk without crying. Then Justin got up there, they asked him where we got married, he answered Montgomery, and I lost my mind. I tried to not make noise crying, but ultimately it sounded like I inhaled all the air in the room, then I had that uncontrollable hiccup crying. So frickin embarrassing.
I was not crying about being divorced, I rather enjoy my free lifestyle now. I was not crying that Justin was officially gone, there would never have been trust there again. It was as if a flood of memories hit me at that point, and every detail of our relationship came to my mind. All the way back to our chat room talks, to our eloping, to our having Michael. It was so bizarre, I couldn't stop the flood of memories at that very moment.
I kicked myself the entire way home, because I truly thought I'd do better than that. But there is something about the quietness of a court room, and the eerie sound of chairs squeaking...it sends your mind running. Ah well, it's over now, and I couldn't be happier.
Let's move on to a more pleasant topic.
My kid brother started college last month and he has already tested out of Sociology! I am so proud of everything he is doing with his life. You go Sam! And Kathleen (his wife, my sis) started college this month! She is being a wonderful example to her kiddos! You go girlfriend!
I also recently did a photo shoot with Sam's family, you should really check out the photos on my Facebook. I am almost done editing them...but here is one of my favorites....
My mom and Steve want me to take their photos too, and I cannot wait. I have been wanting to shoot the two of them for some time now, and they are finally ready! Yay! It is about time, who knows how long it has been since they have had their photos taken. Sheesh.
We were have been super busy over the last few days, not just with the divorce and photo shoot...we had a ton going on...
Michael is finally finished with his play, I am gonna get the full video of it up soon. I will probably have to do it in parts on Youtube, we'll see. It is so adorable, I absolutely have to post it. Michael did such a wonderful job with theater, I hope that he will excel in it throughout the next few years. He has finally found "his thing!" Yay!
Here is one of my favorite play pics...
Be sure to check out the full album on Facebook, there are some really great pics in there!
We also went to see the new Shrek. The kids bugged and bugged, so we saw it on $5 movie Monday. I am glad I did not pay more than $5 for it.
The movie did not even come close the the AMAZINGNESS of the first three. The story line in this one was great, but the movie itself was not. The story was about Shrek getting sick of his life (being married with kids), so he signs a contract with Rumpelstilskin to have his old life back for a day. However, when he gets his old life back he realizes that he doesn't want that life, he missed being with his family. So, he goes out and tries to get his married life back. The movie ends with him at his kids' party, being jumped on by a million kids, be yelled at (DO THE ROAR!), and bossed around by Fiona...but he smiles and admits that he is exactly where he wants to be.
So, you can see, story is amazing! But I think that they had to keep the attention of kid movie-goers so they added all this unnecessary drama. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I just would have gone about it differently.
We also had a cookout at Amy's house this past weekend. It was Mikel's 10th birthday, so she just had a bunch of kiddos over to swim and camp out. It was a lot of fun. I have not added those pics to Facebook yet, but here is one for a little teaser...
We also went on a night-hike at the Nature Realm in Akron. Again, I have not posted those pics, but here is a teaser...
You would think that we would slow down now, but that is so not the case. :-/
We have a some pretty big plans coming up...
This weekend we are having movie/dinner night at Amy's house. Then on Saturday we are going to Camp Carl, which is gonna be so much fun for the kiddos. It is completely free, you get to try it out! You should all come up! :-) Saturday night is a movie in the field at Franks (free!)....or possibly the drive-ins.
Then is Sunday (YAY!)...
95.5 The Fish w/ Len Howser will be at our church www.abt316.com . We are gonna be having a big kick off to summer, there will be food, giveaways, etc. You are all more than welcome to come. It is gonna be so much fun.
Then on the 9th I am taking the kids to Brimfield Elementary to watch the talent show. Plus I'm sure they'd like to see their old friends.
THURSDAY!! Oh Thursday! :) We are all dressing up in our Alice In Wonderland garb, and we are gonna hit the town showing off our costumes. You may call us freak, but we see it as eccentric! Here is who we are gonna be dressed as...
Samuel- Mad Hatter (again)
Michael- Cheshire Cat
Me- White Queen
Mikel- Queen of Hearts
Ethan- Knave of Hearts
Ellah- Alice
Amy- Tea Mouse (but she in undecided, she is also considering the Bandersnatch)
Here is a pic of Samuel in full costume....
I am so excited that I could just pee in my pants! :-)~
Then the weekend of the 12th is Relay for Life! We had fun doing it this year, but I am ready for it to come to a close now. The kids are still trying to meet their goals, so if you are looking to make a donation to a non-profit, please consider helping them. CLICK HERE for the link!
The kids will have their testing done on June 17th. It was originally scheduled for the 6th, but we switched it. I will be glad when that is over with too, testing is the official end to the school year, even though it is technically done. :)
After all of that we will start getting ready for ALIVE (alive.org) at the end of the month. Four days of praise and worship, Godly fellowship, seminars...it is going to be such a blessing and so uplifting. If you are going to ALIVE let me know, we will meet up and camp together.
It feels like summer is going to fly by! I certainly hope not, but it sure feels like it.
It has been really difficult going into summer without Lisa. I have watched dogs play in the water and that was Lisa's thing. I was finally moving on from that horrific day, then summer came. I miss seeing her clomp around in water, dig in her kiddie pool, and play "the water game" with us. :'( I just miss her...so much.
I'm gonna end on that note, because now I don't feel like blogging anymore. :'(
First off, today is my 11 year anniversary, and no one even said anything to me. Humph! ;) hehe Can you believe it, I was not sad or anything today? Go me! I didn't even remember it was my anniversary until I wrote the date down tonight.
Well I suppose that can lead into my divorce.
I went to divorce court last week, and it went okay. I remained strong, no crying all day- until Justin got on the stand to talk. In Ohio you actually have to get on the stand and be questioned by lawyers. It's retarded. Anywho, I was able to talk without crying. Then Justin got up there, they asked him where we got married, he answered Montgomery, and I lost my mind. I tried to not make noise crying, but ultimately it sounded like I inhaled all the air in the room, then I had that uncontrollable hiccup crying. So frickin embarrassing.
I was not crying about being divorced, I rather enjoy my free lifestyle now. I was not crying that Justin was officially gone, there would never have been trust there again. It was as if a flood of memories hit me at that point, and every detail of our relationship came to my mind. All the way back to our chat room talks, to our eloping, to our having Michael. It was so bizarre, I couldn't stop the flood of memories at that very moment.
I kicked myself the entire way home, because I truly thought I'd do better than that. But there is something about the quietness of a court room, and the eerie sound of chairs squeaking...it sends your mind running. Ah well, it's over now, and I couldn't be happier.
Let's move on to a more pleasant topic.
My kid brother started college last month and he has already tested out of Sociology! I am so proud of everything he is doing with his life. You go Sam! And Kathleen (his wife, my sis) started college this month! She is being a wonderful example to her kiddos! You go girlfriend!
I also recently did a photo shoot with Sam's family, you should really check out the photos on my Facebook. I am almost done editing them...but here is one of my favorites....
My mom and Steve want me to take their photos too, and I cannot wait. I have been wanting to shoot the two of them for some time now, and they are finally ready! Yay! It is about time, who knows how long it has been since they have had their photos taken. Sheesh.
We were have been super busy over the last few days, not just with the divorce and photo shoot...we had a ton going on...
Michael is finally finished with his play, I am gonna get the full video of it up soon. I will probably have to do it in parts on Youtube, we'll see. It is so adorable, I absolutely have to post it. Michael did such a wonderful job with theater, I hope that he will excel in it throughout the next few years. He has finally found "his thing!" Yay!
Here is one of my favorite play pics...
Be sure to check out the full album on Facebook, there are some really great pics in there!
We also went to see the new Shrek. The kids bugged and bugged, so we saw it on $5 movie Monday. I am glad I did not pay more than $5 for it.
The movie did not even come close the the AMAZINGNESS of the first three. The story line in this one was great, but the movie itself was not. The story was about Shrek getting sick of his life (being married with kids), so he signs a contract with Rumpelstilskin to have his old life back for a day. However, when he gets his old life back he realizes that he doesn't want that life, he missed being with his family. So, he goes out and tries to get his married life back. The movie ends with him at his kids' party, being jumped on by a million kids, be yelled at (DO THE ROAR!), and bossed around by Fiona...but he smiles and admits that he is exactly where he wants to be.
So, you can see, story is amazing! But I think that they had to keep the attention of kid movie-goers so they added all this unnecessary drama. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I just would have gone about it differently.
We also had a cookout at Amy's house this past weekend. It was Mikel's 10th birthday, so she just had a bunch of kiddos over to swim and camp out. It was a lot of fun. I have not added those pics to Facebook yet, but here is one for a little teaser...
We also went on a night-hike at the Nature Realm in Akron. Again, I have not posted those pics, but here is a teaser...
You would think that we would slow down now, but that is so not the case. :-/
We have a some pretty big plans coming up...
This weekend we are having movie/dinner night at Amy's house. Then on Saturday we are going to Camp Carl, which is gonna be so much fun for the kiddos. It is completely free, you get to try it out! You should all come up! :-) Saturday night is a movie in the field at Franks (free!)....or possibly the drive-ins.
Then is Sunday (YAY!)...
95.5 The Fish w/ Len Howser will be at our church www.abt316.com . We are gonna be having a big kick off to summer, there will be food, giveaways, etc. You are all more than welcome to come. It is gonna be so much fun.
Then on the 9th I am taking the kids to Brimfield Elementary to watch the talent show. Plus I'm sure they'd like to see their old friends.
THURSDAY!! Oh Thursday! :) We are all dressing up in our Alice In Wonderland garb, and we are gonna hit the town showing off our costumes. You may call us freak, but we see it as eccentric! Here is who we are gonna be dressed as...
Samuel- Mad Hatter (again)
Michael- Cheshire Cat
Me- White Queen
Mikel- Queen of Hearts
Ethan- Knave of Hearts
Ellah- Alice
Amy- Tea Mouse (but she in undecided, she is also considering the Bandersnatch)
Here is a pic of Samuel in full costume....
I am so excited that I could just pee in my pants! :-)~
Then the weekend of the 12th is Relay for Life! We had fun doing it this year, but I am ready for it to come to a close now. The kids are still trying to meet their goals, so if you are looking to make a donation to a non-profit, please consider helping them. CLICK HERE for the link!
The kids will have their testing done on June 17th. It was originally scheduled for the 6th, but we switched it. I will be glad when that is over with too, testing is the official end to the school year, even though it is technically done. :)
After all of that we will start getting ready for ALIVE (alive.org) at the end of the month. Four days of praise and worship, Godly fellowship, seminars...it is going to be such a blessing and so uplifting. If you are going to ALIVE let me know, we will meet up and camp together.
It feels like summer is going to fly by! I certainly hope not, but it sure feels like it.
It has been really difficult going into summer without Lisa. I have watched dogs play in the water and that was Lisa's thing. I was finally moving on from that horrific day, then summer came. I miss seeing her clomp around in water, dig in her kiddie pool, and play "the water game" with us. :'( I just miss her...so much.
I'm gonna end on that note, because now I don't feel like blogging anymore. :'(
Thursday, May 20, 2010
THIS OLD GINGERBREAD HOUSE!
You are all invited to come out and watch Michael as Papa Bear in the Kent Children's Musical Theater (CMT) play- THIS OLD GINGERBREAD HOUSE! I took a few pictures tonight from their final performance, I hope the pictures make you want to come out on Friday night or Sunday afternoon (see flyer pictures).
If you know Michael, then you know he is quite a shy child. This new theater/drama life is a HUGE step for him, he has really come a long way in the three months that he has been in CMT. Now he wants to go to theater camps and even be in tap/jazz classes. I am not sure how much of that he will get to do, this lifestyle can be pricey, but I will most definitely try to give him everything in my power.
Okay, check out the pictures, and be watching for videos, I got some really cute ones! :-)
This is the fairy, lightning bug dance...all done under black lights. It really is beautiful to watch...
Michael in action! I am telling you, this kid is in the zone...
The cast sparkles on stage...
Look at all of these beautiful costumes...
Please come out and see this magical production!!! You will not be sorry watching my son come out of his shell....
Saturday, May 15, 2010
A Childhood Gone
Tonight I watched 20/20 and it was about a mother that shot 3 of her children, and was pregnant with another at the time. This story was also in Glamour...the mother is Diane Downs.
Anyway, the story would do small segments on other mothers that have killed their children as well. It also showed MANY interviews with a giddy Diane just days after shotting her own kids. Then it showed the heart-wrenching testimony of her 9 year old daughter that survived the gun shot, as she testified against her mother.
These shows are set off a gazillion emotions with me.
First I wanna kill these women that could do such horrible things. Then I feel sorry for them, and how pathetic they must really be. Then I cry for the children that are so innocent through it all. Then I get mad at the families that cannot see how bad off their relatives are...Diane Downs was NUTS, someone should have seen that. I just wish I could hug these children, and give them all the childhood that they should have had.
I fully believe that you cannot call yourself a women, let alone a mother, if you could do physical harm to your OWN CHILD. Or even emotional damage. Clearly these women were born defective, and without the natural woman/mother instincts that we should all have.
Mothers should be willing to DIE in order to SAVE her children, I know I would. Not kill her children in order to SAVE her own personal life and freedom that a child can take away from you. It is so disgusting. ARRGGH! I want to slap sense into all of them, or at least make it a federal law for these nut jobs to get their tubes tied. Just sayin.
I love my children more than I EVER thought you could love another a human being. When someone hurts them I get defensive, when someone helps them I am beyond grateful, and when someone loves them, I love that person. My children cannot have enough love in their lives, and anyone who wants to share their love with my boys will always be good in my book. I just wish that all mothers could see things clearly, and not allow poor judgment to take over and destroy the lives of innocent babies.
Okay, I will shut up before I say something about these women that I will really regret!
Anyway, the story would do small segments on other mothers that have killed their children as well. It also showed MANY interviews with a giddy Diane just days after shotting her own kids. Then it showed the heart-wrenching testimony of her 9 year old daughter that survived the gun shot, as she testified against her mother.
These shows are set off a gazillion emotions with me.
First I wanna kill these women that could do such horrible things. Then I feel sorry for them, and how pathetic they must really be. Then I cry for the children that are so innocent through it all. Then I get mad at the families that cannot see how bad off their relatives are...Diane Downs was NUTS, someone should have seen that. I just wish I could hug these children, and give them all the childhood that they should have had.
I fully believe that you cannot call yourself a women, let alone a mother, if you could do physical harm to your OWN CHILD. Or even emotional damage. Clearly these women were born defective, and without the natural woman/mother instincts that we should all have.
Mothers should be willing to DIE in order to SAVE her children, I know I would. Not kill her children in order to SAVE her own personal life and freedom that a child can take away from you. It is so disgusting. ARRGGH! I want to slap sense into all of them, or at least make it a federal law for these nut jobs to get their tubes tied. Just sayin.
I love my children more than I EVER thought you could love another a human being. When someone hurts them I get defensive, when someone helps them I am beyond grateful, and when someone loves them, I love that person. My children cannot have enough love in their lives, and anyone who wants to share their love with my boys will always be good in my book. I just wish that all mothers could see things clearly, and not allow poor judgment to take over and destroy the lives of innocent babies.
Okay, I will shut up before I say something about these women that I will really regret!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day
Today was such a beautiful Mother's Day, I'd have to say the best one I have had in years...maybe ever.
We woke up and went to church, and the sermon was amazing (as usual). He spoke about the greatest example of selfless love (other than Christ) is a mother. That really touched my heart. We also got to watch a baby dedication, and it was so beautiful watching all these young moms and dads give their babies back to God, and make an eternal commitment to raise them according to His word. It made me want to pull out the pics of Samuel and Michael's dedications. <3 Seems so long ago... *sigh*
Every Mother's Day I sit and think about my boys' entire life...just like I do on their birthdays. I always think that the near death experiences (me), early births (both boys), incubator (Michael), iv's (Michael), feeding tubes (Michael), three day labor (Samuel), bili-blankets (Samuel), projectile vomiting (Samuel), hole in the heart (Samuel), prolapsed rectum (Michael), more kidney damage (me), weight gain (me), stretch marks (me), becoming a mom at 17, etc.... was all worth it, and I would do it again in a heartbeat! I love every minute with my children.
I also like to sit back and reflect on everything my mother has given me...and she has give n so much. It is hard really fathom her horrible childhood, 15 year marriage to a drunk, and being a single mom...and STILL meeting EVERY need and EVERY want. She worked her butt off for us, and still made time to be at all of our events. She is the strongest, most compassionate, loving woman that I know. She truly is my hero. Even after I was grown and had a family of my own, she was (and is) still there for everything that I need. She is the very definition of "best friend" to me. I wish everyone could have such an amazing mom!
Back to my story..
After church, we all went out for lunch. We REALLY wanted Cracker Barrel, but when we arrived, the wait was over an hour long...so we said, "Nah." We will just go there next week after church, when it is not a holiday. :-)
Golden Corral was next door so we decided to go there. It was packed, but you could get straight in, so that was a bonus. I usually don't care for buffets, no one does but the kids, but the food was really good today. They had a "brunch/lunch" thing going on- it was yummy.
Then we headed home for our routine Sunday naps...it was beautiful. I love Sunday naps, I am not sure why they are better than Wednesday naps, but they are!! [:
All in all it was such a wonderful, peaceful, happy, day- filled of family and love. I simply could not ask for more.
Hopefully the link below works, it is the album from Mother's Day.....basically it has the gifts my boys gave me, and my creative way to tell my mom Happy Mother's Day! Check 'em out...
MOTHER'S DAY PICTURES
We woke up and went to church, and the sermon was amazing (as usual). He spoke about the greatest example of selfless love (other than Christ) is a mother. That really touched my heart. We also got to watch a baby dedication, and it was so beautiful watching all these young moms and dads give their babies back to God, and make an eternal commitment to raise them according to His word. It made me want to pull out the pics of Samuel and Michael's dedications. <3 Seems so long ago... *sigh*
Every Mother's Day I sit and think about my boys' entire life...just like I do on their birthdays. I always think that the near death experiences (me), early births (both boys), incubator (Michael), iv's (Michael), feeding tubes (Michael), three day labor (Samuel), bili-blankets (Samuel), projectile vomiting (Samuel), hole in the heart (Samuel), prolapsed rectum (Michael), more kidney damage (me), weight gain (me), stretch marks (me), becoming a mom at 17, etc.... was all worth it, and I would do it again in a heartbeat! I love every minute with my children.
I also like to sit back and reflect on everything my mother has given me...and she has give n so much. It is hard really fathom her horrible childhood, 15 year marriage to a drunk, and being a single mom...and STILL meeting EVERY need and EVERY want. She worked her butt off for us, and still made time to be at all of our events. She is the strongest, most compassionate, loving woman that I know. She truly is my hero. Even after I was grown and had a family of my own, she was (and is) still there for everything that I need. She is the very definition of "best friend" to me. I wish everyone could have such an amazing mom!
Back to my story..
After church, we all went out for lunch. We REALLY wanted Cracker Barrel, but when we arrived, the wait was over an hour long...so we said, "Nah." We will just go there next week after church, when it is not a holiday. :-)
Golden Corral was next door so we decided to go there. It was packed, but you could get straight in, so that was a bonus. I usually don't care for buffets, no one does but the kids, but the food was really good today. They had a "brunch/lunch" thing going on- it was yummy.
Then we headed home for our routine Sunday naps...it was beautiful. I love Sunday naps, I am not sure why they are better than Wednesday naps, but they are!! [:
All in all it was such a wonderful, peaceful, happy, day- filled of family and love. I simply could not ask for more.
Hopefully the link below works, it is the album from Mother's Day.....basically it has the gifts my boys gave me, and my creative way to tell my mom Happy Mother's Day! Check 'em out...
MOTHER'S DAY PICTURES
Friday, May 7, 2010
Now I'm angry!
Normally I do not let new stories get to me, it is like I care, but it does not effect me. You know? And sometimes, if you think about a story too long, it will start to become personal to you, or at least that is the case with me.
Anywho, I feel PERSONALLY effected by this news story...THE OIL SPILL. This spil is bound to hit my hometown (Destin,FL) any day now, and that infuriates me. I have seen God's beauty in the Gulf of Mexico, I have swam with dolphins in the Gulf of Mexico, I spent half of my childhood in the Gulf of Mexico! I cannot even imagine what the oil looks like in person, I am sure I would lose my mind crying.
My dad was a fisherman (still is), and I have been out on countless fishing trips, way out in the "deep sea." I love the childhood memories from those boating trips, and all the time I spent swimming in that beautiful water.
Now the government is placing bans on fishing and shrimping...and I believe with all of my heart that BP should be FORCED to pay every single fisherman that is without work right now. If you know fishing, then you know you only make money when you go out. My heart goes out to the countless men that are without work for who knows how long. It is a sad state of affairs.
And...and...AND...I do not even want to think about the poor sea life. :'( Their home is being destroyed more and more each minute. Way to go BP, congrats on all of this horrific damage!!
I can't talk about it anymore.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Beyond Happiness :)
In the last year I lost...
*my home.
*my husband.
*my income.
*5 of my dogs.
*my trust.
*my kitten.
*my guinea pig.
*my best friend.
*my belief that there are good men.
*my new furnace (we can't use it, and ins. won't cover it).
I have been fighting cancer, been diagnosed with lung problems, trying to fight through severe back pain...I have discovered that Michael has a "suspicious nodule" on his thyroid, I learned that Samuel is living with a Right Bundle Branch Block and a Tri-Cuspid Leak...I received word from my granddaddy that he is fighting Melanoma. We are currently trying to keep our home, but the bank really wants to take it back. I keep doing for others, but continue to get stabbed in the back.
I could go on for days about what has happened to me in a years time, but I don't want to talk about that anymore. Let's face it, bad things happen to everyone, if they didn't- we would never learn. I feel like I have learned A LOT this year!!
Through all of the storms, I still have a smile on my face, and a lot to be thankful for!
In the past year I have...
*become much closer with my boys.
*gained a close relationship with Sam & Kathleen, and the kiddos.
*experienced true love from my mom and dad.
*been lucky enough to live in a house full of family, where it never gets lonely.
*built up friendships to levels that I never thought they would reach.
*learned how to let others help me.
*been blessed by God, every single time there is a need!
*accepted cancer as a part of my life, and I know someone is being touched by my story.
*learned what TRUE forgiveness is.
*become Hollie, a girl that I have never known until now.
*been smiling more.
*really enjoyed the small things in life.
*learned how to confront a problem, in a Godly way.
*decided that I want to have a worth that is "far above rubies."
*taken lemons and made lemonade!
*realized that home is not a structure, it is where the heart is.
I have also become so much closer in my walk with God...I know that my granddaddy with Melanoma is saved (which mean everything to me)...I found a church home that I am so thankful for...I have prayed to become the mother that God wants me to be, and I believe I am doing that everyday. I have laid on the fresh cut grass and enjoyed God's beautiful world, I have and listened to the wind whip, I have gone bike riding while making a joyful noise to God, I have watched animals work with their tiny hands, I have prayed over my children as they sleep, I have received freshly picked wild flowers from my boys, I have enjoyed God's creation in every way possible.
Again, this list is sooo long, you just got the Reader's Digest version. :)
I feel like you can choose happiness, or you can choose sadness- but wither one is a CHOICE. I choose to be happy. If you read the list above you can see all the ways that God has blessed me, what right would I have to not be happy? The true test is, can you be happy when all the bad stuff is happening? I can honestly say YES. I have reached a point in my life, and in my faith, when something bad happens I simply say, "I'm not gonna worry about this, God has a plan." You would be amazed how much your mood will change if you say that out loud every time you hit a bump in the road.
I suppose I have chatted enough for one night! I hope that you all read this and it makes you smile...and you share that smile with others around you. Remember, SMILES ARE CONTAGIOUS!
:-)
[:
=D
;)
(-8
*my home.
*my husband.
*my income.
*5 of my dogs.
*my trust.
*my kitten.
*my guinea pig.
*my best friend.
*my belief that there are good men.
*my new furnace (we can't use it, and ins. won't cover it).
I have been fighting cancer, been diagnosed with lung problems, trying to fight through severe back pain...I have discovered that Michael has a "suspicious nodule" on his thyroid, I learned that Samuel is living with a Right Bundle Branch Block and a Tri-Cuspid Leak...I received word from my granddaddy that he is fighting Melanoma. We are currently trying to keep our home, but the bank really wants to take it back. I keep doing for others, but continue to get stabbed in the back.
I could go on for days about what has happened to me in a years time, but I don't want to talk about that anymore. Let's face it, bad things happen to everyone, if they didn't- we would never learn. I feel like I have learned A LOT this year!!
Through all of the storms, I still have a smile on my face, and a lot to be thankful for!
In the past year I have...
*become much closer with my boys.
*gained a close relationship with Sam & Kathleen, and the kiddos.
*experienced true love from my mom and dad.
*been lucky enough to live in a house full of family, where it never gets lonely.
*built up friendships to levels that I never thought they would reach.
*learned how to let others help me.
*been blessed by God, every single time there is a need!
*accepted cancer as a part of my life, and I know someone is being touched by my story.
*learned what TRUE forgiveness is.
*become Hollie, a girl that I have never known until now.
*been smiling more.
*really enjoyed the small things in life.
*learned how to confront a problem, in a Godly way.
*decided that I want to have a worth that is "far above rubies."
*taken lemons and made lemonade!
*realized that home is not a structure, it is where the heart is.
I have also become so much closer in my walk with God...I know that my granddaddy with Melanoma is saved (which mean everything to me)...I found a church home that I am so thankful for...I have prayed to become the mother that God wants me to be, and I believe I am doing that everyday. I have laid on the fresh cut grass and enjoyed God's beautiful world, I have and listened to the wind whip, I have gone bike riding while making a joyful noise to God, I have watched animals work with their tiny hands, I have prayed over my children as they sleep, I have received freshly picked wild flowers from my boys, I have enjoyed God's creation in every way possible.
Again, this list is sooo long, you just got the Reader's Digest version. :)
I feel like you can choose happiness, or you can choose sadness- but wither one is a CHOICE. I choose to be happy. If you read the list above you can see all the ways that God has blessed me, what right would I have to not be happy? The true test is, can you be happy when all the bad stuff is happening? I can honestly say YES. I have reached a point in my life, and in my faith, when something bad happens I simply say, "I'm not gonna worry about this, God has a plan." You would be amazed how much your mood will change if you say that out loud every time you hit a bump in the road.
I suppose I have chatted enough for one night! I hope that you all read this and it makes you smile...and you share that smile with others around you. Remember, SMILES ARE CONTAGIOUS!
:-)
[:
=D
;)
(-8
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Cinco De Mayo
Happy Cinco De Mayo everyone! Remember to stay safe on the roads tonight, please, for the sake of our children. I personally am NOT looking forward to taking Michael to theater practice in downtown Kent tonight, right in the midst of the college festivities. Hopefully the crowds won't get too large, or too loud until we are outta there!! :)
Mother's Day is this weekend and I cannot wait to spend the day at church with my family. We will go to church, then have lunch out together, then come home and do Bible Study...it will be a great day. I feel so unbelievably blessed and privileged to be the mother of two great boys. Do you ever sit back and really think about God's divine plan? I do. God specifically chose Samuel and Michael to grow in my womb, He chose to me to their mother, He entrusted their lives to me. He knew those boys before I ever did, and He knew their hearts, and He knew that I was going to be the one raising them! It boggles my mind!! I cannot think of any better gift in this world. In fact, the only other gift that tops that is Jesus dying on the cross to forgive our sins! God is so good to us, makes me wonder why it is so easy for people to turn away.
I don't just sit and think about how amazing it is to have my children, I also think of how God chose my mom just for me. I often sit back and observe my friends with their parents, and I never get a jealous feeling. I am always SO THANKFUL that I had my mom, that I was raised the way I was, that God gave me such a giving mother. Again, HIS divine plan amazes me.
Okay, enough about Mother's Day, we still 4 days!!
I have been thinking about the divorce a lot lately, and thinking about how much I do not want to go to court. I wish you could do this divorce stuff all over the phone. I just keep fearing that my emotions will get the better of me, and it will be viewed the wrong way. My lawyer will always say, "I know this is hard honey." when I start crying. What she doesn't know is that I am not crying over the divorce itself, I am crying over the 10 years of my life that I believed to be something other than what they were. I am finally feeling free about the divorce...and what I mean by that is, I feel like God has taken the guilt from me. I could not get right with it in my heart for a long time, I could never get right with my first divorce....I believe divorce is wrong. But, it was taken out of my hands, and after many sleepless nights, God took that burden from me. And I couldn't be more grateful.
Okay, enough about the divorce, we still have 16 days!!
To get everyone in the mood for Mother's Day, here are some of my favorite MOM shots...
Mother's Day is this weekend and I cannot wait to spend the day at church with my family. We will go to church, then have lunch out together, then come home and do Bible Study...it will be a great day. I feel so unbelievably blessed and privileged to be the mother of two great boys. Do you ever sit back and really think about God's divine plan? I do. God specifically chose Samuel and Michael to grow in my womb, He chose to me to their mother, He entrusted their lives to me. He knew those boys before I ever did, and He knew their hearts, and He knew that I was going to be the one raising them! It boggles my mind!! I cannot think of any better gift in this world. In fact, the only other gift that tops that is Jesus dying on the cross to forgive our sins! God is so good to us, makes me wonder why it is so easy for people to turn away.
I don't just sit and think about how amazing it is to have my children, I also think of how God chose my mom just for me. I often sit back and observe my friends with their parents, and I never get a jealous feeling. I am always SO THANKFUL that I had my mom, that I was raised the way I was, that God gave me such a giving mother. Again, HIS divine plan amazes me.
Okay, enough about Mother's Day, we still 4 days!!
I have been thinking about the divorce a lot lately, and thinking about how much I do not want to go to court. I wish you could do this divorce stuff all over the phone. I just keep fearing that my emotions will get the better of me, and it will be viewed the wrong way. My lawyer will always say, "I know this is hard honey." when I start crying. What she doesn't know is that I am not crying over the divorce itself, I am crying over the 10 years of my life that I believed to be something other than what they were. I am finally feeling free about the divorce...and what I mean by that is, I feel like God has taken the guilt from me. I could not get right with it in my heart for a long time, I could never get right with my first divorce....I believe divorce is wrong. But, it was taken out of my hands, and after many sleepless nights, God took that burden from me. And I couldn't be more grateful.
Okay, enough about the divorce, we still have 16 days!!
To get everyone in the mood for Mother's Day, here are some of my favorite MOM shots...
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Just Stuff.
Today was another amazing day, PRAISE GOD! I absolutely love church days!! We got to sing MIGHTY TO SAVE today and that is my current favorite song. :-) Gives me chills. Here is the video, please listen to it, and really absorb the lyrics...
Amazing right?!?!
Okay, just wanted to do a little "life update" blog...
Things have been getting so much better here, I just cannot say it enough. We have (as a family) really learned how lean on God, pray together, and walk the walk together. It is so encouraging having the entire family lift you up everyday....and it is a blessing to be able to lift them up. Though I am human, and by birth a sinner, I serve a God that forgives me for EVERYTHING I do, and loves me, and blesses my life. It is an amazing journey that I am on, and I pray that all of you who are not on it will join me.
May is a busy month for us here...we finish up schooling, my divorce will be final, Michael will have his first theatrical performances, we have Relay fundraising to do, etc... I am hoping to keep everyone caught up through the blog, but I may get too overwhelmed, we shall see.
Here are the boys RELAY videos that they wrote themselves, if you are able to spread the word or even donate...GREAT!! Either way, please watch these two RENDONKULOUSLY adorable videos....
Not a whole lot of other stuff is going on. I do want to ask that all of my believer friends will pray for my divorce to go smoothly on May 21st. We have to go to trial on one issue, and I just want to remain calm, instead of becoming a blubbering idiot! (What can I say, I am an emotional girl!) Please pray for the entire day, not just the trial...I am sure it will be a heavy day for me. The divorce will be final as I walk out of the court room, and even though I am VERY happy ;) with my life now, I am still saying goodbye to 10 years...it is not gonna be easy.
On another note-
If you have anything you want to ask me, feel free to on FORMSPRING! It is a neat site where you can ask me completely anonymous questions that I choose to, or not to, answer. Nothing is off limits, but I have had a few questions that I chose to delete...for different reasons. Well here it is...
Amazing right?!?!
Okay, just wanted to do a little "life update" blog...
Things have been getting so much better here, I just cannot say it enough. We have (as a family) really learned how lean on God, pray together, and walk the walk together. It is so encouraging having the entire family lift you up everyday....and it is a blessing to be able to lift them up. Though I am human, and by birth a sinner, I serve a God that forgives me for EVERYTHING I do, and loves me, and blesses my life. It is an amazing journey that I am on, and I pray that all of you who are not on it will join me.
May is a busy month for us here...we finish up schooling, my divorce will be final, Michael will have his first theatrical performances, we have Relay fundraising to do, etc... I am hoping to keep everyone caught up through the blog, but I may get too overwhelmed, we shall see.
Here are the boys RELAY videos that they wrote themselves, if you are able to spread the word or even donate...GREAT!! Either way, please watch these two RENDONKULOUSLY adorable videos....
Not a whole lot of other stuff is going on. I do want to ask that all of my believer friends will pray for my divorce to go smoothly on May 21st. We have to go to trial on one issue, and I just want to remain calm, instead of becoming a blubbering idiot! (What can I say, I am an emotional girl!) Please pray for the entire day, not just the trial...I am sure it will be a heavy day for me. The divorce will be final as I walk out of the court room, and even though I am VERY happy ;) with my life now, I am still saying goodbye to 10 years...it is not gonna be easy.
On another note-
If you have anything you want to ask me, feel free to on FORMSPRING! It is a neat site where you can ask me completely anonymous questions that I choose to, or not to, answer. Nothing is off limits, but I have had a few questions that I chose to delete...for different reasons. Well here it is...
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A year today.
This time last year I was crying, screaming, couldn't breathe, hysterical wreck! I came home to a note on my door that changed my life forever. My marriage of over ten year was over.
It took eight months for the crying spells to stop.
It took nine months to quit thinking I could not have guy friends.
It took ten months to realize that just because I was married didn't mean I was taken.
It took eleven months to quit walking around the house looking at memories.
It took twelve months to find myself and finally become happy again.
For a year now I have thought about how I would handle this day, and I must say, I thought I would be a mess. But I woke up bright and early and went to do a Relay for Life Fundraiser with the boys. Then I was so exhausted I came home and got a nap. Then it happened...
I woke up to hundreds of notes all over the house from my kids. All of the notes were funny, and a bit off color. There were semi-knocking the original note I got last May, but it was so hilarious. My kiddos crack me up. I have to say, that has been the highlight of my day! And I am so proud of myself for being able to have a sense of humor about things now...that is huge for me!
One note read (the one on my bedroom door, where the original note was)
Dear Hollie-
I am gonna go jump off
a cliff with Samuel or
something until my life
gets better.
- (hiding the name they signed)
They were all silly like that, but you have to admit, creative....and funny!
As if my day could not get better (seriously, not sarcastically)...my brother and his family donated 100 dollars to my Relay for Life goal...which means I met my goal!!! YAHOO! (Like they haven't done enough of something!!)
Thanks you Sam, Kathleen, Robby, and Andrew for supporting me and the American Cancer Society! Love you all more than words can express.
And then, on top of that....
My mom and dad bought a LUMINARIA for me, and that is so exciting. Last year I had 2, some people had like 10, it was a amazing! Luminaria lights our track at night during the Luminaria Ceremony, and they stay lit the rest of the night. It is beyond beautiful.
Thank you guys for making sure I had one this year!! I love you both so much! <3
And again...like it couldn't get better...
All of the kiddos that went fundraising today did such a great job, we sold out of candy before noon!!!!!! To top it off, they made over $400 dollars today! GO TEAM!
Yep, it was a pretty amazing day. And tomorrow I get to go to church and hear God's message, and spend some time in song and prayer! God is so good to me.
It took eight months for the crying spells to stop.
It took nine months to quit thinking I could not have guy friends.
It took ten months to realize that just because I was married didn't mean I was taken.
It took eleven months to quit walking around the house looking at memories.
It took twelve months to find myself and finally become happy again.
For a year now I have thought about how I would handle this day, and I must say, I thought I would be a mess. But I woke up bright and early and went to do a Relay for Life Fundraiser with the boys. Then I was so exhausted I came home and got a nap. Then it happened...
I woke up to hundreds of notes all over the house from my kids. All of the notes were funny, and a bit off color. There were semi-knocking the original note I got last May, but it was so hilarious. My kiddos crack me up. I have to say, that has been the highlight of my day! And I am so proud of myself for being able to have a sense of humor about things now...that is huge for me!
One note read (the one on my bedroom door, where the original note was)
Dear Hollie-
I am gonna go jump off
a cliff with Samuel or
something until my life
gets better.
- (hiding the name they signed)
They were all silly like that, but you have to admit, creative....and funny!
As if my day could not get better (seriously, not sarcastically)...my brother and his family donated 100 dollars to my Relay for Life goal...which means I met my goal!!! YAHOO! (Like they haven't done enough of something!!)
Thanks you Sam, Kathleen, Robby, and Andrew for supporting me and the American Cancer Society! Love you all more than words can express.
And then, on top of that....
My mom and dad bought a LUMINARIA for me, and that is so exciting. Last year I had 2, some people had like 10, it was a amazing! Luminaria lights our track at night during the Luminaria Ceremony, and they stay lit the rest of the night. It is beyond beautiful.
Thank you guys for making sure I had one this year!! I love you both so much! <3
And again...like it couldn't get better...
All of the kiddos that went fundraising today did such a great job, we sold out of candy before noon!!!!!! To top it off, they made over $400 dollars today! GO TEAM!
Yep, it was a pretty amazing day. And tomorrow I get to go to church and hear God's message, and spend some time in song and prayer! God is so good to me.
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