The kids spent time with him.

Samuel and Michael decided to go with Justin to help move him into the new apartment. It crushed me. Samuel did say to me, out of the blue, I wanted to get you something for Mother's Day but dad didn't help me with that. Another heart breaking crush. My boys were hurt more. I told them that gifts cannot prove their love for me, and it is better this way anyway.

They seemed to have had fun with Justin, he took them to Best Buy and let them each spend twenty dollars. Of course, they came home with stuff that I can't help them use...great.

I find myself missing him more with time. I just want to kiss my husbands lips again. It's hard knowing he doesn't love me.

He did tell me that he doesn't think he has ever loved me, not really. Not like I loved him. Talk about soul crushing. It is easier to hear that he loved me for 9 years but fell in love with someone else in the last year. But never loved me? I can't get over that.

Clearly I am still in the grieving stage, but everyone says anger will come. When you love someone with everything in you for ten years, how long does it take to get past the grieving stage?

I found a site that has helped me tremendously. It has stories of women that thought they had storybook book romances, but out of no where, their husbands left. It also tries to explain the minds of these men. This is it.... Runaway Husbands.

I also watched Fireproof. That crushed me, and Justin had no interest in watching it. This married couple was like us- they were at the point of no return....and one spouse fought for the other....against the will of the spouse that wanted out. But with God working in the relationship, He fixed their marriage- even through fighting, and hating one another, and even the beginning of an affair with one of them. It showed me that marriages can be worked out, no matter what. A lot of the things said between the spouses is what Justin said to me when he left, it was so hurtful. I feel like I am the one willing to do anything to fix this, and he won't even talk to me.

I recommend the movie for anyone going through this, though my heartfelt prayers go out to all, that no one will have have to feel a pain like this. I wish divorce on no one, everyone deserves a lifetime partner, to grow old with.

It is like a death, I feel like someone I loved died. And I want to quit crying, and I want my family back. And when I go to sleep at night, I want my husband with me.