Update

Today is a better day. I talked with Justin today and I think I have finally accepted it. Once I said what I felt...I knew I was gonna be okay. I hugged him goodbye.

I feel like it is real now, I am no longer in a dream world. I know that sounds like it would make things worse, but I think it is helping me. I just had to talk to him, face to face, and then I knew it would be real.

I have finally stopped breathing like I am dying. That was a great comfort to me, because I felt like I could go on.

Things will be hard, I will have really bad moments, but I know it is what he wants, so I will be okay with that. And eventually, we will both be stronger people for it.

We agreed to still talk, and be friends. That may sound naive, but after ten years, it is hard to cut someone that you love off completely. I realize that everyone who has been through this is laughing at that, but for now, let me believe that is the way it is.

He spoke with the kids tonight as well. Samuel took it better than Michael, he still doesn't wanna talk to him. But I think now that I have accepted what happened, Michael will. He is very much a mommas boy, and I know he will move on, and eventually talk to Justin again.

I am so glad I talked to him tonight, I so glad I know that it is final. I needed to be sure.

Thanks again to everyone who is calling and helping me through it, I appreciate it. I won't be a blubbering idiot anymore. ;)