Still not accepting it.

I had another bad day...lots of crying. But it is 7:30 and I am starting to feel sleepy...good sign.

I argued with Justin today. I am not getting into details. The bottom line is, I love my husband, and I would fight to the death for him. I just don't know how to do it. I'm praying for God's guidance.

I am leaning on God, He is the only one who can pull me through this. And I know that if he wants us back together as a family, then we will be....in His perfect timing.

Everyone has asked about the boys, so here is an update...

Samuel has a nervous twitch, he keeps flexing his eyebrows. He only does this when talking about Justin. :-( He said he knows he is doing it, but he can't stop. He rarely cries, but when he does, it is at night. The counselor has told me that he is in denial, and that is clear.

Michael is sad, a lot. He cries at least once a day....he gets mad at Justin at least once a day...but he also says he misses Justin, at least once a day. He is still very clingy to me, he keeps saying, "I love you more than anything." And, "You are my best friend." Those are the things I have always said to him, now he says them to me. :-( He is so insecure.

Both boys feel like they have lost everything. They keep asking if we are moving, I keep telling them that I hope not.

My mother and Steve have been wonderful in helping me with the house. They are still trying to help me keep it, but nothing has worked out yet. They are with me, we believe that the boys should be able to keep their home, since they lost their family dynamic.

The boys are starting to get excited about summer break! I am doing my best to make it magical for them, it will be hard without it being the four of us. But, my mom is going with me to King's Island, and the kids are excited about that. Mindy and her kiddos are getting CP passes with us, so that should also be fun! We are taking the kids for the first time next weekend. That will be a nice release for everyone.

I still want my husband back, I still love him. I feel like this love cannot die. But, I am trying to make life normal for my guys, the deserve nothing but the best.