Love truly is blind.

Everyone knows that I was crazy in love with Justin. I looked past all faults and only saw the good. Now, I have taken a step back, and I see just how blind love truly is.

After many emails, and confirmation of unfaithfulness...I decided to check phone records, and other sources. Wow. I was taken aback. I missed so much, and it was right under my nose.

That is the problem with love, you don't want to see fault in it. I loved Justin, so I trusted him. You trust people that you love, anyone, not just spouses. But believe you me, I will not make that mistake again.

Two failed marriages and boy have I learned a lot. The first marriage was my fault, one hundred percent. I was still hung up on Justin, so I left. I am SO VERY grateful that my first husband found love again and he is now married to an amazing person. But I was wrong in what I did, and I will live with that for the rest of my life.

With my second marriage, I decided that I was all in. I gave my entire heart, I dedicated my life to the man I loved. I had his baby, I moved away from my family and home with him, I wanted to please him. He told me of his great love for me, and I was young and naive, and I fell for it all. I fell hard. I thought that I had found the perfect mate and we would grow old together. He was my penguin.

After loving like that...with everything in you...you never expect to lose your mate. You trust, you love, you're faithful, you have given all of yourself. And when it all comes crashing down, you fall so hard that you think the pain will never go away. But it will.

I fell hard. My pain was worse than anything I have ever felt. Justin stole my childlike trust in people. He stole my faith in relationships. But he didn't hurt me for life, because I can heal, and I will heal. I am finally realizing that life goes on, no matter what circumstances arise. Strong men and women deal with these circumstances everyday, and they live to tell the tale. What a tale I will have one day.

Now, I throw my self into my children...I dedicate my life to doing right by them. I find myself having long talks with them about becoming good men...talks that they listen to, and respond to. Talks that I might not have ever had with them had my life not flipped upside down. I am grateful for that, I am grateful that I now know what kinds of things they NEED to learn in life. I want them to grow up and respect woman, cherish marriage, and live for God. I want them to have emotions...good and bad...I want them to love, and learn to be loved. I want them to fully understand that every action has a consequence, and they need to always be prepared for consequences. I want them to know that family is all you really have in this world.

I also throw my life into my faith. My walk with God was not as strong as it once was...I was too caught up in the love of my marriage...it was as if I didn't have time for God. That is not me, and it never has been. Everyone who knows me, knows that my life is dedicated to God...and shining His light in a dark world. I used to pray and read the Bible and take my faith seriously...but over the years of my marriage...I just wanted me and Justin to be happy. I cared about nothing else. I always felt guilty for that, I always wished that I could get back on track. THAT...THAT...is what I am most grateful for. I'm sorry it took such a life changing event to make me realize just how far I had strayed.

So yes, love is blind. It prevents your eyes from seeing the truth. But in the end, my eyes have been opened...wider than they were before. I won't ever let myself fall into this naive way of thinking...I will always be looking for signs and clues of what someone may be hiding. It's sad that I have to live like that...but a fall this hard changes you.